Cost of gas vs cost of Friendship?

This is a great discussion. We have run the full gammit of options. I never ask for money either, and I don't expect any. Exception: I used to fly with a buddy in his plane - I accompanied him on trips that I would rather not take, but it was nice to go along and I paid for 1/2 the gas. Then, we invited them on a trip on the boat for 4 days. The discussion of cost came up (fuel, dock fees...). We took turns buying meals out, and he gave me right at about 1/2 the cost for dock/fuel at the end. He asked if it was enough, and I commented that it was very generous and that nothing was required. He insisted, I kept the money, and we continue to do things together.

I try to err on the generous side. I hate that feeling of guilt. Right now, I'm reviewing lots of different circumstances in my head wondering whether or not I did the right thing. In the case described at the beginning, I'd confront the guy. Then, I'd decide whether or not the friendship was worth the outcome. I couldn't continue on with status quo - I simply wouldn't enjoy it. If I had excess income, I'd love to be more generous. We're jugling expenses right now - college, dance, boat, business...
 
People that join us aboard the 420 usually have no clue what it costs to operate a big boat. They don't own boats, and can't conceive pumping 250 gallons of diesel and ringing up over $1K at the pump at each fill up.

We invite our friends aboard because we enjoy their company and enjoy sharing the boating experience with them. I do not ask for money, and I never will. Most folks bring food, beverages, or gifts aboard when we invite them. A few of the more situationally aware realize that the big girl likes diesel and will surreptitiously slide some money to me at the end of the cruise. I do not turn it down, but don't solicit it. And we do not typically fuel up with guests aboard, as others have alluded to.

I do, however, encourage all the dads/husbands to join me in the spring for the highly anticipated boat waxing party...a little arm and shoulder pain makes them appreciate the boating experience all the more....

Skip
 
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Hampton said:
This is a great discussion. We have run the full gammit of options.
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It is! And, it's also made me step back and re-examine how I conduct myself with my friends to make sure I don't make similar mistakes in the future. I don't think I have in the past, I try to be more generous than that, but it doesn't hurt to re-examine things.

-VtSeaRay
 
I never ask my guests for gas money, and have refused offers in the past. I feel that I am going out anyway and we are glad to have the guests along to enjoy the day with us.
Our guests always come bearing food, refreshments, or other goodies and I always felt that these gestures were plenty.
I have a friend that has had my 8 year old son and I aboard his 24' Sea Ray for fishing trips several times this season, I make it a point to bring the bait and the lunch.
 
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Originally Posted by TimC
Take the higher road and don't even bring it up. Next time he invites you on the boat just decline and say your taking you're boat out and don't invite him. He may get the message, he may not. If you go back at him and ask for $ from the first two trips, in his head you become the jerk even though he is.

Let him ponder all of the reasons you don't invite him on the boat anymore and why you decline to go on his. That will drive him more crazy than anything else.:lol:

+6

Bottom Line: Friends don't ask friends for money when they invite them to do something together. I would never expect or accept money if I invited a friend to go out on my boat for the day.
 
I've thought about this some more while I was stuck in summertime NJ weekend traffic on the GSP on the home tonight.....amazing how ones mind wanders when you're stuck in bumber-to-bumper traffic. I also re-read the original post. Further on my own comments earlier, your 'aquaintance' basically blind sided you. I mean....First he asks you and the other couple out as guests on his boat to dinner, and THEN, on the way home, he sneaks into the fuel dock to refuel and THEN he actually had the audacity to ask for Money....I'd say he's the "keeper of the balls"

I would think he had that 'planned' beforehand. And, if he did, he should have discussed it with both couples upfront and BEFORE you all went out....even before you showed up at the dock at the boat...probably when he called you on the phone or emailed the invite in the first place....but definitely before.

What Frank said....time to get new friends.
 
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I'm pretty sure that it's not legal to take funds from anyone for any purpose in consideration for a boat ride unless one is running a charter company, the captain is licensed, and the boat is inspected. All of that. It's the same situation with private aircraft. It's illegal to solicit or accept any form of consideration for a flight unless the flight is operating under one of the commercial or air transport FARs.

Next time, "I'd love to chip in, but I'd hate for you to go to jail."


Best regards,
Frank
 
Take the higher road and don't even bring it up. Next time he invites you on the boat just decline and say your taking you're boat out and don't invite him. He may get the message, he may not. If you go back at him and ask for $ from the first two trips, in his head you become the jerk even though he is.

Let him ponder all of the reasons you don't invite him on the boat anymore and why you decline to go on his. That will drive him more crazy than anything else
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i'd do EXACTLY what tim said above.

and as i was reading all 48 posts, i thought of the same thing dominic stated two posts above (and i didnt cheat and read ahead). if a guy is maybe in a different financial situation than you are and he takes YOU aside before the trip and says that he'd love to have you come along but he can't really swing the entire fuel bill himself, you'd probably understand and give him a bit of help. that doesn't mean you'd go out with the guy again, and i think i'd just go boating without him and his wife from that point on. this is another clear case of poor communication. if you dont tell folks stuff up front, there will be ill will.
 
as a caveat to this topic, at our marina, we have gotten into the habit of "boat-pooling," or what we have termed "Nealing" (named after Neal, a guy no longer at our marina who never took his boat out but constantly invited himself on other's boats). the difference here is, usually the owner of the boat going for the ride is either looking for crew or company. sometimes the wives come along, sometimes they dont. sometimes the kids come, some times they stay at the pool. but if i had to quantify things, it is pretty darn even as to how many times each of us has "Nealed."

it all evens out in the end - the host usually offers the customary "docking beer" at the end and no one passes a hat. :thumbsup:
 
LGBoater said:
Was it Ann Landers who said "no one can take advantage of you without you letting them"? Well it is true. If you like them enough to keep them as friends then you have 3 choices 1) ignore it next time and act as you normally would 2) bill them as they did you or 3) do not invite them again on your boat - when/if they ask why no more invites then be truthful. But don't let them ruin your time on your boat with others. Obviously non boaters have NO idea what a boat costs but a fellow boater should have at least acknowledged/asked
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You hit the nail on the head...I dont expect non boaters to understand the costs, but fellow boaters do..and should at the least bring a packed cooler..and bait if fishing..

I never want or ask for gas donations, but I do expect some beers, sodas or bait..
 
My wife has yet to offer to pay for a tank of fuel and she's always inviting herself.... go figure...
 
Four Suns said:
My wife has yet to offer to pay for a tank of fuel and she's always inviting herself.... go figure...
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She cleaned the heads. More than anyone could say about any guests.
 
I like it when my sister in law and her husband invite themselves along. I have a packed cooler waiting, we use $50 in gas, go to a restaurant and then we split the bill. Maybe by me a beer?:smt021
 
$50 in gas! That's a morning of riding around on the Sea Doo. Just Ducky burns $50 just leaving the marina.
 
This is kind of along the lines of what Frank (fc3) wrote. In a general conversation start talking about insurance and find out who his carrier is. Then, give the carrier a call and tell them that he is runnning a charter business by asking for $ for rides. Let's see if he's cancelled or re-rated at his next renewal. Just joking. Seriously, it looked like it was pre-planned to go to the gas dock. I would probably not do anything with the guy any more.
 
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Boat ownership and operating costs. Always has, always will be a hot topic.

We feel blessed and lucky to be able to afford a boat. We have always lived within our means, hence why we don't own and drive a 480. Our opinion as a couple is, if you can't afford to own it, which includes, the purchase price, the insurance, the dockage, the maintenance and the gas, then buy a smaller boat.

We never have and never will "expect" or accept money from friends for any of our leisure activities. When we encounter people who openly take advantage of our good nature, then we simply and quietly move on.

I'm no Dr. Phil, but confronting this Mooch won't do much to change things. What is done, is done.

This was set up from the get go. Take all the free rides you can muster up and then make sure your last stop before heading to the slip is the gas dock. This guy is living beyond his means. Wants a show boat he simply can't afford.

Good Luck finding more compatible friends.
 
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Four Suns said:
I think I lose $50 in diesel by just thinking of starting the engines...
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LOL - yep, that will get me just outside the marina entrance-

If I'm chipping in for the costs along with anyone else, I must be on a commercial fishing charter.

I share with my friends. Anyone I would take money from has no place on my fortress of solitude.
 
Skip said:
...And we do not typically fuel up with guests aboard....
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This I think is the most telling comment so far. A true friend would not put another friend on the spot by revealing the cost of refueling unless he expected to be compensated.
I typically do not invite friends to my home for dinner and expect them to help pay the utilities...

Kudos to Skip and others who follow this practice.
 
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