Cost of gas vs cost of Friendship?

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Well-Known Member
TECHNICAL Contributor
Oct 3, 2006
4,404
Wisconsin - Winnebago Pool chain of lakes
Boat Info
280 Sundancer, Westerbeke MPV generator
Engines
twin 5.0's w/BIII drives
How would you have handled this situation? What would you do now and going forward? :huh:

We went out on our boat last summer with some people we know that also own a cruiser. Their boat is about 6’ longer then ours. It was a long run. At the end if the day I did not ask for money for gas and they did not offer. We went to dinner. Each couple paid for their own dinner bill.

Earlier this year we again took them out. Another long run. Again, I did not ask for money for gas and they did not offer.

For the first time ever we went out on their boat. The run was the same run we took them on last year. In addition to us and them there was a 3rd couple that we just met on this cruise. This other couple were friends of the boat owner couple. Hope I’m explaining this so all can follow it.

Upon returning to the dock they first went to gas up and asked for each couple to ‘chip in’ then after the other couple did I also did, one Franklin. I guess I just did it to not make a scene at the time. Time has passed yet I’m still really bothered by how this all went. :smt013 I think the principle is bothering me more then the money.
 
I would remind them of the times you've taken them out and not asked or required any funds from them - would be interesting to see how they react to that.... I don't like asking for money for the boat - in my mind I'd be taking it out anyway. I do ask friends/family stop at the grocery for snacks, beer and ice - to which I then add to when I load up the cooler and fridge. It all works out - being able to hang with friends and family makes it all worthwhile.
 
Next time they go out with you, ask for fuel money just as they did and see how they react. It may be the last time they want a ride on your boat.
 
Geesh! If you go over their house for dinner in the winter are they going to want money for the heating oil too?....:wow:

If we are going out to dinner with another couple or two and I offer to take my boat, I don't even consider asking for fuel $$$$. If they want to buy the first round at the bar while we wait for a table, or bring the wine for a BYOB, that's OK, but when the bill comes for dinner, we're dividing it evenly.....and Definitely none of that.....'well your dinner was $$ and my dinner was $$ stuff either'.....ESPECIALLY with friends!
 
.....BTW, people who own 340's are cheap SOBs :grin:)

But don’t you own a 340?….so are you saying?,….Oh I get it. It’s a joke! The other boat was not a Sea Ray. I don’t want to so dramatically change the subject but Sea Ray has relatively low market share around my area.
 
I like the idea of asking them for fuel $$$ next time. I'm thinking their idea of your friendship is different than yours, and it's time to mark them off the friends list. Sad to say that, since it's not fun losing friends, but you'll find another to fill their place down the road.

-VtSeaRay
 
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Geesh! If you go over their house for dinner in the winter are they going to want money for the heating oil too?....:wow:

If we are going out to dinner with another couple or two and I offer to take my boat, I don't even consider asking for fuel $$$$. If they want to buy the first round at the bar while we wait for a table, or bring the wine for a BYOB, that's OK, but when the bill comes for dinner, we're dividing it evenly.....and Definitely none of that.....'well your dinner was $$ and my dinner was $$ stuff either'.....ESPECIALLY with friends!
I couldn't agree more with you Dom!
 
Geesh! If you go over their house for dinner in the winter are they going to want money for the heating oil too?....:wow:

If we are going out to dinner with another couple or two and I offer to take my boat, I don't even consider asking for fuel $$$$. If they want to buy the first round at the bar while we wait for a table, or bring the wine for a BYOB, that's OK, but when the bill comes for dinner, we're dividing it evenly.....and Definitely none of that.....'well your dinner was $$ and my dinner was $$ stuff either'.....ESPECIALLY with friends!


I also agree with Dom
I never, ever discuss fuel usage or price when I take friends out.
It is my boat and my 'habit' that I have to live with.
Bring a 12 or 24 pack of beer and I am a happy camper.
I expect no more from friends and family.
I was going to use the boat anyway.
My $0.02 worth
 
I think given the circumstance - I would have just laughed and said your kidding right... Then my wife would have given me a dirty look.
 
Doug,
This guy is being impudent fellow instead of your friend and you were too nice and forgot to stand up for yourself by reminding him that you deserved a free pass since you took your boat on the same cruise twice and you paid for fuel.
This situation is very simple to understand what kind of people these are. You might have a sort of explanation when non-boaters come on your boat and don’t chip in for fuel if not asked. But, that’s b/c they don’t understand how much was just spent. Since these guys are boat owners that puts them only in category of a@@halls. I doubt you can call them your friends. With our friends we pretty much know in advance what to expect and most of the time we don’t have to ask. Most of our friends are not boaters but they never come empty handed as a common courtesy.

If the situation really bugs you, next time you see these “your friends” pull the guy to the side and ask “hey dude what was the deal the other day with the fuel money? If you forgot, you owe me for two rides, but since you’re my “friend” I didn’t ask. Most likely now it’s a good time.”
I’m sure you’ll find your own words (perhaps much better) to deliver the message, but you get the idea. Just b/c you were being a nice guy and didn’t want to spoil anyone’s pleasant day on water that doesn’t mean you have to be screwed over by anyone.

I don’t know the depth of your relationship with these people, but since there was another couple there you probably did the right thing. But, don’t let it just go. Have a “side bar” with the guy to make sure you’re both satisfied, if you’re planning to maintain the relationship, otherwise do whatever is needed to make sure you’re satisfied.

Just my opinion.
Alex.
 
Money is always a touchy subject. If I let somebody borrow one of my boats I expect them to put fuel in it, but if I invite somebody to go out with us I would not accept money. I think you're friend just did you a favor, it only cost you $100 to find out he is not the kind of person to take with you on future boat outings. Not worth the frustration. Same goes with splitting the bill at dinner or whatever. You need to find "like-minded" people to do those activities with.
 
Actually, I think Alex has the right idea, take the guy over on the side, and ask him what was up with that. Then, based on that outcome, make your decision from there. That way, he knows where you're coming from. He might look at things a little differently if he sees how you feel about it.

-VtSeaRay
 
I always offer to contribute to the gas (or compensate in other ways, like buying dinner) when a guest on another boat. I expect others will do the same when they're on my boat. However, I can be bigger than they are, and if they don't offer to pay when a guest on my boat, I don't bring it up. I may not invite them out again, though, depending on how enjoyable it is to have them on the boat.

To me friends are folks who have pretty much the same values as me. Maybe not the same viewpoints on issues, but similar values. If someone doesn't understand the concept of reciprocity, maybe they're not a "friend" but more of an "acquaintance".

If the situation really bugs you, bring it up to your friend. How he responds may change how you categorize the relationship.
 
We have dear friends (also SeaRay boatowners) who insisted they buy us dinner after a longish trip on our boat. I would never have asked them to pay part of the fuel cost, since we would've made the trip anyway.

As far as your friends, at least you know what to expect if you take another boat trip with them.:huh:

Gordon Mathes
2007 340 DA
Chill Factor
Sneads Ferry, NC
 
I think you missed your chance, I would have jokingly said "did you pay for fuel the last two times you were on my boat?".

I don't invite non-boating friends down to get their fuel money, if i invite someone down than they are my guest and it's on me. If they choose to bring food or beer than even better!

If it is a boating friend, I still wouldn't expect them to fork over $400 for half a tank of diesel. We'll just take their boat next time. :thumbsup:
 
Geesh! If you go over their house for dinner in the winter are they going to want money for the heating oil too?....:wow:

If we are going out to dinner with another couple or two and I offer to take my boat, I don't even consider asking for fuel $$$$. If they want to buy the first round at the bar while we wait for a table, or bring the wine for a BYOB, that's OK, but when the bill comes for dinner, we're dividing it evenly.....and Definitely none of that.....'well your dinner was $$ and my dinner was $$ stuff either'.....ESPECIALLY with friends!
I also agree that Dom is absolutely right. In my opinion, this person was just an aquaintance, definately not a friend. In this world, we don't need friends like that.:huh:
 
I also agree with Dom
I never, ever discuss fuel usage or price when I take friends out.
It is my boat and my 'habit' that I have to live with.
Bring a 12 or 24 pack of beer and I am a happy camper.
I expect no more from friends and family.
I was going to use the boat anyway.
My $0.02 worth

I have to agree here, but on the other hand if someone wants me to go where I had no plans on going. then we are going to have to have some type of arrangement before hand.

And when and if I am invited to your boat and you are going somewhere according to you interests and just invited me for a ride, don't even ask me for any money. If you do, I am damn sure going to make mention of the subject of money and when you were on my boat.:huh:

:thumbsup:
 
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Send him a bill for the first two trips...

OK, my real answer would be to never bring him on your boat again unless you tell him up front that he will be assisting with gas as you were required to assist him.
 
If it were me it would be the last time they were ever on my boat And I would not be going on there boat anymore I can't get over the fact they never offered to pay for your dinner About two years ago I some some friends come in from out of town and stayed at my house for a week my wife at the time cooked dinner every night except one night That night we went out for dinner when the check came they did not offer to pick up the tab Its the last time they have been to my house. I agree time for new friends.
 

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