Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em


A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.

"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"

"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm and I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."

"Go for it, doc," says the man, "as long as I can play golf again."

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon. "Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf ever. My new arm has a much finer touch, and my putting has really improved."

"That's great," said the surgeon.

"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."

"That's unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"

"Well, just two", said the golfer, "I have trouble parallel parking and every time I get an erection, I get a headache."

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/399187.php#399187
 
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Little Johnny was in the car with his grandpa….they were following another car where they could see the couple in a horrific argument.

All of a sudden grandpa could see the lady pull out a big knife …lean over and cut the guys penis off. She then rolls the window down and throws it out the window and it hits grandpas windshield …

little Johnny says “what was that?”

grandpa says “oh that was just a bug”

little Johnny says “well that bug sure had a big dick”
 
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A wino stumbling down the sidewalk stumbles and falls. Feeling behind him he is wet. After feeling the wet area, he says; OH LORD LET THAT BE BLOOD!
 
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