Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

Discussion in 'The Tiki Bar' started by The Bill Collector, May 6, 2009.

  1. The Bill Collector

    The Bill Collector Well-Known Member SILVER Sponsor

    Jun 2, 2008
    Tacoma, WA
    450 Sundancer
    3126 Cat's
    Words have meaning: POTENTIALLY -VS- REALISTICALLY

    A young boy went to his father, and asked him, "Dad, what's the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?

    The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from all that."

    So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house, and send you kids to a great university!"

    The boy then went to his sister, and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt. I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"

    The boy then went to his brother, and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course!" the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

    The boy pondered these answers for a few days, and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

    The boy replied, "Yes! 'Potentially' you and I are sitting on three million bucks, but 'realistically' we're living with two hookers and a future congressman."
     
  2. 66pony

    66pony Member

    564
    Oct 2, 2008
    Minnesota
    280 Sundancer 2008, GTX LTDiS (tender)
    496/BIII, Rotax 1503
    Let me tell you that one simple spelling mistake--even a typo--can make your life miserable.


    I recently penned a short, romantic note to my wife while I was away on a fishing trip, and I missed one small "e". No problem you might think.


    Not so. This tiny error has caused me to seek Police protection to enter my own house.


    I wrote – "Hi darling, I'm enjoying and experiencing the best time of my whole life, and I wish you were her!"
     
    The Bill Collector and wyrman like this.
  3. Strypes

    Strypes Member

    718
    Dec 10, 2015
    Catawba Island
    12 Meter Trojan International Motor Yacht
    210 Sea Fox Center Console
    Avon 3.11 RIB
    454 Crusaders
    V6 Mercury Saltwater 150HP
    4 Stroke 5HP Mercury
    Here's a sad example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations:


    A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training, has been fired for one minor indiscretion.

    He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.

    What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans.

    This just goes to show you that one minor mistake can ruin your life.

    Thoughts and prayers for him and his family.

    He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.
     
    Arickosmo and The Bill Collector like this.
  4. Gofirstclass

    Gofirstclass Well-Known Member GOLD Sponsor

    Apr 20, 2010
    Tri Cities, WA
    1995 550 Sedan Bridge,
    2010 Boston Whaler 130 Super Sport,
    1981 Boston Whaler 130 Sport,
    CAT 3406C's, 580hp.
    Know why lesbians shop for sporting goods at Big 5 Sports?

    They don't like Dicks.

    [​IMG]
     
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  5. Blueone

    Blueone Active Member SILVER Sponsor

    916
    Jan 24, 2007
    Lake Erie, Ohio
    2004 420 Sundancer
    Cummins 6CTA 450's
    image.jpeg
     
    Krazzeeddie likes this.
  6. The Bill Collector

    The Bill Collector Well-Known Member SILVER Sponsor

    Jun 2, 2008
    Tacoma, WA
    450 Sundancer
    3126 Cat's
    Subject: Johnson ??
    [​IMG]

    An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

    'Fred,' he replies.

    'Fred what?' the officer asks.

    'Just Fred,' the man responds.

    The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

    The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

    The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

    The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

    Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

    The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
     
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  7. Blueone

    Blueone Active Member SILVER Sponsor

    916
    Jan 24, 2007
    Lake Erie, Ohio
    2004 420 Sundancer
    Cummins 6CTA 450's
    Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

    As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, and sunglasses.

    The next morning they were at the beach, enjoying drinks, sunshine and the scenery when a topless blonde walked straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.

    As the blonde passed them she smiled and said, "Good Morning, Fathers".

    Stunned, they wondered how in the world she knew that they were priests. So they went back to the store to buy even more outrageous outfits. Now in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.

    After a little while the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking towards them.

    Again she nodded at each of them and said, "Good Morning, Fathers."

    One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and asked, “Young lady, we are priests and proud of it, but how in the world did you know when we are dressed as we are?”

    She replied.....










    Sister kathleen.jpg
     
    Last edited: Apr 10, 2018
    The Bill Collector likes this.
  8. Blueone

    Blueone Active Member SILVER Sponsor

    916
    Jan 24, 2007
    Lake Erie, Ohio
    2004 420 Sundancer
    Cummins 6CTA 450's
    image.jpeg
     
  9. Little Ducky

    Little Ducky Active Member

    938
    Jun 5, 2017
    Chattanooga TN/Dickson TN
    1998 SeaRay 290 Sundancer
    Twin EFI 5.0L w/Alpha 1 drives
    [​IMG]
     

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