Post your Obama Jokes Here!!!!

Nacho Boat

Nacho Boat

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Sep 23, 2008
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Orlando, FL
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I have quite a few floating around, but I will kick it off with this list:

This is a list of one-liners that supposedly came from late night TV:

Liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree!

We think 25 to life would be appropriate.

-Leno

America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

–Leno

Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s’ new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

–O’Brien

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.

–Leno

Q: What’s the difference between Obama’s cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners.

–Letterman

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !

–Fallon

Q: What’s the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.

– Kimmel

Q: What was the most positive result of the “Cash for clunkers” program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.

-Letterman
 
Dear Mr. President,

I'm MOVING TO MEXICO Dear President Obama: I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. Into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements. We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.
​

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
​

3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.
​

4. I want my kids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
​

5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.
​

6. I want my kids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
​

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
​

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
​

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
​

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
​

11. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my house top, put U S. Flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
​

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
​

13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.
​

14. I want to receive free food stamps.
​

15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.
​

16. I'll need Income tax credits so that although I don't pay Mexican Taxes, I'll receive money from the government.
​

17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $4,500 to help me buy a new car.
​

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement. I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. From Mexico. I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
​

Thank you so much for your kind help. You're the man!!!





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Not a Joke like Obama is just an intersting read

1 May 2010
Barack Hussein Obama:
I Told You So - Yes I Did
By Howard Galganov
Montreal, Quebec , Canada


When Obama won the Presidency with the help of the LEFTIST Media, Hollywood And Entertainment Liberals, Ethnic Socialists (ACORN), Stupid Non-Business Professionals and Bush Haters, I wrote: It won't take six months until the People figure this guy out and realize how horrible a mistake they've made..
And when they come to that realization, the damage to the United States of America will be so great it will take a generation or more to repair - IF EVER.
The IDIOTS who not only voted for the Messiah, but also worked [hard] to promote his Lordship, are now left holding the bag.
Here are two things they will NEVER do: They will NEVER admit to making a Blunder out of all proportion by electing a snake-oil salesman with no positive social history or management experience of any kind. They will NEVER take responsibility for the curse they've imposed upon the immediate and long-term future of their country.
In essence, the people responsible for putting this horror show in power are themselves responsible for every cataclysmic decision he makes and the consequences thereof.
In just six months, the Messiah's polls are showing the following:
1. On Healthcare Reform - He's going under for the third time with polling well Under 50 percent, even within his own Party. Even though he might be able to Muscle a Healthcare Reform Bill by using Chicago BULLY tactics
against his Fellow Democrats, it will just make things worse.
2. On Cap and Trade (Cap and Tax) - The Fat-Lady is already singing.
3. On the Stimulus Package (Tax and Spend) - His popularity is in FREE-FALL.
4. On the TARP package he took and ran with from President Bush - It's all
but Good-Night Irene.
5. On the closing of GITMO and "HIS" war on what he no longer wants called the War On Terrorism - he's standing in quicksand with his head just about
to go under.
6. On a Comparison between himself and George W. Bush at the same six months into their respective first term Presidencies - Bush is ahead of him in the
Polls.
7. On a comparison between He Who Walks On Water and the 12 preceding
Presidents between WW II and now - Obama ranks 10th.
8. On a Poll just Conducted, that asks who would you vote for today between Obama and Mitt Romney - it's a dead heat. Between Obama and Palin - Obama's ONLY ahead by 8 Points and she hasn't even begun to campaign. It seems to me that Obama Wants to be everywhere where he shouldn't be.
He's personally invested in 'totally insulting' America 's ONLY REAL Middle Eastern ally ( Israel ) in favor of Palestinian Despots and Murderers. He's traveling the world apologizing for the USA while lecturing others on how to do it right, when in fact and truth he has no experience at doing anything other than getting elected.
He went to the Muslim world in Egypt to declare that America IS NOT A CHRISTIAN NATION while he heaped praises on Islam, where he compared the "plight" of the Palestinians to the Holocaust.
The Russians think he's a putz, The French think he's rude.
The Germans want him to stop spending.
The Indians want him to mix his nose out of their environmental business.
The North Koreans think he's a joke, The Iranians won't acknowledge his calls.
And the British can't even come up with a comprehensive opinion of him.
As for the Chinese, he's too frightened to even glance their way.
[After All, China now owns a large portion of the United States ..]
Maybe if America's first Emperor would stay home more, travel less, and work a little bit instead of being on television just about everyday or stop running to "papered" Town Hall Meetings, perhaps he would have a little bit of time to do the work of the nation.
In all fairness, it wasn't HARD to be RIGHT in my prediction concerning Obama's presidency, even in its first six months, so I'm going to make yet another prediction:
OBAMA WILL PROBABLY NOT FINISH HIS 4-YEAR TERM, at least not in a Conventional way.
He is such a political HORROR SHOW, and so detrimental to the USA and his Own Democratic Party, that the Democrats themselves will either FORCE him to Resign or figure out a way to have him thrown out.
Who knows, maybe he really isn't a BORN US Citizen and that's a way the
Democrats will be able to get rid of him.
[He is a citizen, but not a naturalized citizen with both mother and father being US citizens.]
Or - MORE LIKELY THAN NOT, the Democrats will make Obama THEIR OWN LAME DUCK PRESIDENT.
I don't believe the Democrats have nearly as much love for their country as they do for their own political fortunes. And with Obama, their fortunes are
rapidly becoming toast.
********************
　
 
Not really funny or a Joke

Dear Fellow Americans:

For only the second time in my adult life, I am not ashamed of my country. I want to thank the hard working American people for paying $242 thousand dollars plus additional expenses for my vacation in Spain. My daughter Sasha, several long-time family friends, my personal staff and various guests had a wonderful time. Honestly, you just haven't lived until you have stayed in a $2,500.00 per night suite at a 5-Star luxury hotel. We only booked 70 rooms for our friends, staff and family. Thank you also for the use of Air Force 2 and the 70 Secret Service personnel who tagged along to be sure we were safe and cared for at all times.

Air Force 2 only used 47,500 gallons of jet fuel for this trip and carbon emissions were a mere 1,031 tons of CO2. It costs only $11,500 per hour to operate Air Force 2 and each additional plane for the other members of our party group. These are only rough estimates, but they are close (who's counting?). That's quite a carbon footprint as my good friend Al Gore would say, so we must ask the American citizens to drive smaller, more fuel efficient cars and drive less too, so we can lessen our combined carbon footprint.

I know times are hard and millions of you are struggling to put food on the table and trying to make ends meet. I do appreciate your sacrifice and do hope you find work soon. I was really exhausted after Barack took our family on a luxury vacation in Maine a few weeks ago. I just had to get away for a few days. Will write more from Martha's Vineyard where we will spend our sixth vacation this year with more of our family and friends.



Cordially,

Michelle Obama
 
Top Secret Air Force One Project ​

Air Force General: Mr. President, we've just invented an invisibility cloak for Air Force One. Air Force One is now invisible, insuring your security in the face of growing hostility.


Obama: No S***!?

General: That's right, sir. Will you be going along on its maiden flight?


Obama: Why I wouldn't miss this for the world!


General: Have a good trip, sir!





​
af1.jpg
 
I'm sure that commie was eating babies. If anything that silly/stupid/crazy is going to happen it will happen when the Dems are in charge.

But it will still be Bush's fault... :lol:
 
magster65 said:
[youtube]RtGfe04SsJc[/youtube]
Click to expand...

:lol:
"I have a whole bag of shhhhh with your name on it"

I like it, I think I’ll try that line out tonight when I get home.
 
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