Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

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John was in the fertilized egg business.

He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No-Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pullet-surprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote very carefully next fall . . . . the bells are not always audible.
 
When my Doctor asked me, if I led any kind of an active life style, I told him about my previous day:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a deep lake, barely escaped from a wild pig in the heavy brush, marched along a treacherous trail up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and barely escaped jumping away from an aggressive black snake."

Inspired by my story, the Doctor said, "You must be quite the outdoorsman!"

"Not so much," I replied, "I'm just a really shitty golfer."
 
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