Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

[Flyer5]

Nothing… I do it all the time.

I would say it depends on the attitude.

 

[mratlndmrk]

 

[Maggieiscrazy]

 

[mratlndmrk]

 

[Scott215]

That little dog looks like Joe Biden

 

[Stray Current]

A good wife is like a Costco size bottle of ketchup. Delicious, lasts a long time, and sometimes you need to flip it over and bang it on the kitchen counter.

 

[Scott215]

That's great stray

 

[Stray Current]

That's great stray

One of the great drawbacks of granite countertops are how cold they are

 

[JMG]

I must be getting desperate. I find myself flirting with women that it's hard to tell which they have more of, grandchildren or tattoos.

 

[techmitch]

I must be getting desperate. I find myself flirting with women that it's hard to tell which they have more of, grandchildren or tattoos.

I think the issue at hand may be the establishment's at which you are flirting with such women. Some time's,... Ya gotta ask yourself.

 

[JMG]

My friends all say that a laundromat is a great place to meet women. I disagree. If she can't afford her own washer and dryer there's no way she'll be able to support my drug habit.

 

[K-DUB]

I must be getting desperate. I find myself flirting with women that it's hard to tell which they have more of, grandchildren or tattoos.

Well as they say, the older you get the bigger your strike zone gets.

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[Nater Potater]

View attachment 160021

Calvin and Hobbes, and The Far Side; two of the greatest!

 

[DougLas]

Husband: I got a text from Bill he said hi
Wife: Did he say if he is ok?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: did he say where he's living?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: how is his wife and kids doing?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: why didn't you find out anything more?
Husband: Because all I got was a text from bill and he said hi.

 

[Pirate Lady]

Husband: I got a text from Bill he said hi
Wife: Did he say if he is ok?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: did he say where he's living?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: how is his wife and kids doing?
Husband: I don't know I just got a text from Bill and he said hi.
Wife: why didn't you find out anything more?
Husband: Because all I got was a text from bill and he said hi.

Sounds like a conversation between the wife and me.

 

[TimW]

Sounds like a conversation between the wife and me.

Was exactly what I told my wife when I read that!!

 

[Pirate Lady]

Sounds like a conversation between the wife and me.

Actually, our conversation are like this…
I stumble out of bed to the coffee pot at 6am.
Wife says Blah blah blah blah blah, sister posted on Facebook. Son posted pictures of his dog, blah blah blah,
Me: WTF are you talking about!
Her: The cat woke me up at 3am, I didn’t sleep well. What your plans today?
Me: paint the bedroom cause your snoring sucked the paint off the walls.
And the sun hasn’t even risen yet.

 

[Nater Potater]

Actually, our conversation are like this…
I stumble out of bed to the coffee pot at 6am.
Wife says Blah blah blah blah blah, sister posted on Facebook. Son posted pictures of his dog, blah blah blah,
Me: WTF are you talking about!
Her: The cat woke me up at 3am, I didn’t sleep well. What your plans today?
Me: paint the bedroom cause your snoring sucked the paint off the walls.
And the sun hasn’t even risen yet.

I don't know if it's because it's quarter to two in the morning, but that really made me laugh!

 

[Jus Cruisin]

I don't know if it's because it's quarter to two in the morning, but that really made me laugh!

What were you doing? Waiting til 2am to change the clocks ahead right on time?