Dilemma

[Lakebum431]

Have you ever just let him run the boat, start to finish, including prep, setting destination, deciding when to go/return, etc., with you just along for the ride? Do you trust him to drive his friends around in the car? Would you leave him alone with the house for a long weekend? How does he handle himself in an emergency?

It's basically a matter of how much you trust him and how well he handles responsibility, as well as the technical skills involved, and it all comes down to you as a person and him as a person, not father/son issues.

First, I agree with your main points. Especially the part about running the boat start to finish by himself as that is by far the most important here. However, let's remember that we are talking about a 20 year old here, not a 16 year old. Most 20 year olds live on their own (either at college or on their own working) so the points about driving around in a car with friends or stayng in the house alone seem completely absurd to me.

 

[sdleo26]

You already know he can handle the boat; so it comes down to be responsible when nobody is watching.. I am sure you know what type of kid he is at this point. If he has a good head on his shoulders, let him take it. It's not open water, completely different game if he wanted to take it in the ocean. I have been on that lake many times with people I work with when there on business in Duluth. Quick turns with weather tides and rough seas are essentially much less of a concern. I say let him go!

 

[Hifirush]

I think one important attribute of good parenting is capitalizing on teachable moments or opportunities. When my kids were growing up we used the principle that freedom/responsibility must be earned; it doesn't come with age, driver's license, or anything else. When my kids proved to us that they were responsible, we gave them more freedom. So, I don't have an answer for your question, only a question: Has your son proven that he is responsible enough to handle the boat on his own?…………and that of course, includes all the things that can interfere with sound judgment like alcohol, who are his friends, is he a follower or a leader, etc.

Well said!!!

 

[src]

First, I agree with your main points. Especially the part about running the boat start to finish by himself as that is by far the most important here. However, let's remember that we are talking about a 20 year old here, not a 16 year old. Most 20 year olds live on their own (either at college or on their own working) so the points about driving around in a car with friends or stayng in the house alone seem completely absurd to me.

I don't disagree in general, but I have known plenty of people in their early 20's who could not be trusted in those situations. Yes, they might be living on their own, but I would never hand them my keys under any circumstances. Only the original poster really has enough knowledge about the kid's character.

And the fact that he posted this under the title "Dilemma" indicated to me that this wasn't an easy one, which makes me believe that he does have serious reservations. Could just be me reading too much into it, but dilemma is a strongly loaded word to use.

 

[spfortjohn]

Happens all the time in Orange Beach AL Some rich dad gives the keys to the 38 center console with trips and the fun begins. Beer, Sandbar, Girls,


If he has shown responsibility then give him a chance. If he screws up he knows it will be his last time to use the boat.

 

[gator1]

No he can operate the boat by himself no problem. Half the time I just sit there and drink a beer while he does everything! He has a great head on his shoulder and makes good decisions! I handed him the key when I got home today and told him he can take it out tomorrow so we will see how it goes.

 

[2000SR380]

This is a great thread. Great responses! As I have two daughters, I would like to plus-one the "what do the girls parents think about this idea". Even if she is not a minor. Our daughters were both under our financial 'wing' well after they were 18. Answers could range from 'her parents are in prison' to 'she is a college student living at home'. Still relevant. You would not want to be having a discussion with me after the fact if something went wrong. I see two "dilemma". #1) Does anybody but you EVER take the boat out? Is the hard choice letting go and trusting ANYONE, even your son, with your baby? If that is the case I am with the majority of the posts. Let him go! My Uncle and my Dad trusting me with boats (early on) cemented my love for being on the water. I would have sooner cut off my foot than intentionally disappoint either of them. #2) If the hard choice whether your son is trustworthy?? Or does he have the necessary competence?? This seems like a high risk way to try and build trust, or test for competence.

 

[Woody]

By the time I was 14 I was running heavy equipment and trucks. I was hauling on the road and pulling equipment on lowboys. In my head I figured my Dad thought I was pretty grown up so I asked him if I could take the car to town one Friday nite.:smt101 He said 'Do you think I'm nuts?' I think he didn't trust what I might be doing in and with the car. In retrospect he made a good decision.:smt043

 

[IanBat]

At 14, I was driving tractors. At 20, I was in the Army, driving all sorts of machinery.

My daughter at 18 I have let loose with the wife's BMW without a thought. The boat no, only because she has not had enough experience yet, and foes not have the confidence in herself to skipper it solo.

Your son appears to have that.

As you are aware we have 2 Australians that at 16 sailed solo around the world


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

 

[Crushin It]

Lets not forget the obvious too - He is 20, and I assume she will be in a bikini = distraction!!!

 

[jrseitz]

This is a great thread with great responses. I don't have any children so I was reading this with a question of what I would do if I was in your situation and reflecting back on my relationship with my father (we didn't have a boat but he trusted me the family car to go hunting with my buddies at 16, granted it was 1974 and many things were different then).

I applaud your decision to hand over he keys and I know you won't be able to concentrate on work all day tomorrow. The one comment that I thought was the best advice overall was to make sure the girls parents are okay with the idea. A quick phone call to the girls father could go a long way with many positives.

I probably am not qualified to post on this thread but that one point really made sense to me.

 

[src]

The one comment that I thought was the best advice overall was to make sure the girls parents are okay with the idea. A quick phone call to the girls father could go a long way with many positives.

This has come up several times, and it just strikes me as wrong. Everyone keeps saying essentially the same thing about the boy - if he's a responsible mature adult with enough experience with the boat, he should be fine. The girl, however, that's a different story. You need to get her daddy's OK. Don't let that girl on the boat with the boy unless you talk to her parents.

What?

She's an adult, too (assuming over 18). She isn't driving the boat. She isn't responsible for the life and safety of others in this situation, other than peripherally and if something goes majorly wrong. She's a passenger. But because they might do the naughty, you need to talk to her parents first.

Again, WHAT? The fact that she's a woman should have no bearing whatsoever. Now, if you would counsel him to call the parents of any person going on that boat, fine. But singling her out because, well, you know, GIRL.

WHAT?

 

[Gofirstclass]

I think it comes down to one simple question (well, maybe not so simple?)---Do you trust him?

You already know he can drive the boat. Is he responsible enough to drive it without you there? Don't worry about his acts with the girlfriend. If they're doing the nasty, they'll do it wherever they happen to be when the mood strikes.

I also wouldn't contact the girl's parents. She's an adult, capable of making her own decisions. Your responsibility is to passengers on your boat and those around him while he's operating it. If you trust him, just caution him to be careful. Remind him that this is a trial run and how you respond to future requests to use the boat will depend on how he does this time.

 

[Lakebum431]

This has come up several times, and it just strikes me as wrong. Everyone keeps saying essentially the same thing about the boy - if he's a responsible mature adult with enough experience with the boat, he should be fine. The girl, however, that's a different story. You need to get her daddy's OK. Don't let that girl on the boat with the boy unless you talk to her parents.

What?

She's an adult, too (assuming over 18). She isn't driving the boat. She isn't responsible for the life and safety of others in this situation, other than peripherally and if something goes majorly wrong. She's a passenger. But because they might do the naughty, you need to talk to her parents first.

Again, WHAT? The fact that she's a woman should have no bearing whatsoever. Now, if you would counsel him to call the parents of any person going on that boat, fine. But singling her out because, well, you know, GIRL.

WHAT?

Exactly!!!! When I was 20 I didn't meet most of the girls parents I dated, let alone my parents meeting their parents. People are acting like these two are 16 going on their first date.

 

[PeteL]

Just read this whole discussion. The only thing I would add or ask is has he taken any boating safety course? Knowing how to operate the boat is one thing, but going through a course that covers rules of the road, markers, weather conditions etc, I think would reinforce all the good OJT you have given him and set him up to be a safe boater. Given the size of the boat in question, I think this is a prudent step.

 

[2000SR380]

Exactly!!!! When I was 20 I didn't meet most of the girls parents I dated, let alone my parents meeting their parents. People are acting like these two are 16 going on their first date.

This is true, but were you taking girls out on someone else's 1/4 million dollar yacht? Which you had never operated solo before?? Risky activities, require more than average prudence. This is levels up from taking your Chevy Van to the drive-in movies. I did not see where the OP stated the age of the girl, but we are assuming 18-20?? When my daughters were in school, still on our medical, still using our phone program, and still our financial responsibility, I damn sure wanted to know where to start looking if they did not come home. If we had a son the rules would have been the same. Pretending there is no difference in the adventure being co-ed is laughable. We are not talking about two girls going boating together, or two guys. Sounds to me like the OP's son is pretty trust worthy, and competent. I think he is making the correct decision. My point is the girls parents should know what is going on and who she will be with.(Like filing a float plan). The Dad does not have to tell them, or the son, but SHE should tell them. The only caveat to that is that some parents are less responsible than their kids. I have known a few really great kids, with parents that were a waste of space.

 

[Lakebum431]

This is true, but were you taking girls out on someone else's 1/4 million dollar yacht? Which you had never operated solo before?? Risky activities, require more than average prudence. This is levels up from taking your Chevy Van to the drive-in movies. I did not see where the OP stated the age of the girl, but we are assuming 18-20?? When my daughters were in school, still on our medical, still using our phone program, and still our financial responsibility, I damn sure wanted to know where to start looking if they did not come home. If we had a son the rules would have been the same. Pretending there is no difference in the adventure being co-ed is laughable. We are not talking about two girls going boating together, or two guys. Sounds to me like the OP's son is pretty trust worthy, and competent. I think he is making the correct decision. My point is the girls parents should know what is going on and who she will be with.(Like filing a float plan). The Dad does not have to tell them, or the son, but SHE should tell them. The only caveat to that is that some parents are less responsible than their kids. I have known a few really great kids, with parents that were a waste of space.

If you think you knew where your daughters were when they were in college all the time, then you are kidding yourself. I obviously don't know your kids, but unless they were people that had literally no social life at all then you didn't (read: complete losers). Remember when they told you they were staying on campus this weekend to study? They weren't... :grin:

 

[Woody]

If you think you knew where your daughters were when they were in college all the time, then you are kidding yourself. I obviously don't know your kids, but unless they were people that had literally no social life at all then you didn't (read: complete losers). Remember when they told you they were staying on campus this weekend to study? They weren't... :grin:

These are my granddaughters ...are you sayin' that...NO,NO, I don't want to hear it...:smt089
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[2000SR380]

If you think you knew where your daughters were when they were in college all the time, then you are kidding yourself. I obviously don't know your kids, but unless they were people that had literally no social life at all then you didn't (read: complete losers). Remember when they told you they were staying on campus this weekend to study? They weren't... :grin:

LOL, I am sure I do not WANT to know every detail of my daughters lives. Even now. Both of them are very cute and both of them have fun attractive personalities. Neither of them are 'angels'. Have they ever lied to me? Maybe along the lines of I look fine with my gray thinning hair, or 'better' with a little extra weight. If I did not have a relationship where I trusted them to be where they said, doing what they said, I damn sure would not let them take my boat out with their boy friends!!! Regardless of how competent I believed them to be :smt001 If the OP's son was going out with one of them (@ 18-20 years old), on a yacht? By themselves??.... Lets just say, I would not want to know details past where they were going and when they expected to return. I would figure the OP could make the call on whether the strapping young lad was capable and competent to operate HIS expensive Yacht, and not be distracted by ... well... anything, until the boat was safely secured somewhere.

 

[Woody]

Giving this further thought,
-the son has always had Dad available as a deckhand if needed
-what experience does the girlfriend have on boats
She could try to be of assistance and do something dumb that could get herself hurt, maybe Dad ought to invite her and Son out on the boat for a afternoon first for some additional training. You won't want her to get caught between a dock post and boat because she thinks she can stop it or get a finger pinched trying to put a dock line on a cleat at the wrong time. She needs clear instructions on what gets flushed down the head. A couple hours with the two of them and then turn them loose.