Went to see my doctor yesterday

Turtlesboat

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TECHNICAL Contributor
Feb 4, 2007
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New York City
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1996 450DA, TNT, Caribe dink w/15hp OB.
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Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!



Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
 
That advice is right up there with "How do I avoid an auto accident?" "Go faster. That way you are never in one spot long enough to become involved in a wreck."
 
Not meaning to throw anything serious into the joke, but oddly enough, there is at least a ring of truth about the "heart is only good for so many beats" line.

I had an episode of atrial flutter some years back and my cardiologist stated the need to get my resting heart rate back to a normal level or I would literally wear my heart out prematurely (I was at 110 leaving the hospital after a more than a week). So what happens with professional athletes that might train 5 hours or more a day (with an elevated heart rate)?
 
So what happens with professional athletes that might train 5 hours or more a day (with an elevated heart rate)?

I think you will be shocked to learn how low that professional's heart rate would be.

I had a runner friend whose normal resting heart rate was in the 40's.

A few years back, I was on a long bike ride with some buddies. We all had heart rate monitors. During one portion. . .two of us had a heart rate of 140, while the third who had recently done an IronMan triathalon ( single day event: 2.6 mile swim, 26 mile Marathon, 120 miles on bike) had a heart rate of 110.
 
A man goes to his doctor and says he's having trouble getting an erection. The doctor tells him to take Viagra.

The man asks "will I be able get it over the counter"?

The doctor replies "maybe if you take 3 or 4".
 

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