New Stock Market Terms (Funny)

[Vince_nj1]

New Stock Market Terms

CEO– Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer​

BULL MARKET– A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
​

BEAR MARKET– a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.​

VALUE INVESTING– The art of buying low and selling lower.​

P/E RATIO– The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.​

BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.​

STANDARD & POOR– Your life in a nutshell.​

STOCK ANALYST– Idiot who just downgraded your stock.​

STOCK SPLIT– When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.​

MARKET CORRECTION– The day after you buy stocks.​

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.​

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.​

WINDOWS– What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.​

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR– Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.​

PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.
# # # # #​

If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines
one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG
one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers
one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer
one year ago, drank all the beer,
then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund,
you will have received $214.00.​

Based on the above, the best current investment plan
is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.​

 

[Hampton]

My 401 keg is on a roll!