Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

[Bill Watson]

5 decades of British vehicle ownership has yielded additional Lucas quotations...

In front of the Jaguar employee factory entrance is a sign "Get home before dark."
Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas also invented the first intermittent wiper,
And the self-dimming headlamp.
Lucas electrics were the original Anti-Theft device.
Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.
Lucas actually uses AC current -- it just has a random frequency.
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.
I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou.....

 

[Nater Potater]

View attachment 119790

It took me a bit until I said it in Mike's voice...

 

[Nater Potater]

Many years ago, Sony was working to get rights to make a special Gibson Les Paul guitar for their Guitar Hero video game. The running joke at the time was:
"What do Sony and Yoko Ono have in common?"
"They both want Les Paul"

You can thank @tc410 for this: http://www.clubsearay.com/index.php?threads/the-arrogance-of-neil-young….107845/page-4#post-1292103

 

[Nater Potater]

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

The American bobsled team just named their sled joe Biden, nothing has taken the US down hill faster!

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[TimW]

I agree, but our local idiot——I mean road——commission says salt doesn’t work below 30F.

ROFLMFAO

 

[Nater Potater]

I agree, but our local idiot——I mean road——commission says salt doesn’t work below 30F.

ROFLMFAO

Who comes up with that crap? Now, I understand that the antifreeze they spread on the roads around here needs to be laid down prior to dropping to freezing temps, but the salt? They've obviously never made home-made ice cream.

 

[TimW]

Who comes up with that crap? Now, I understand that the antifreeze they spread on the roads around here needs to be laid down prior to dropping to freezing temps, but the salt? They've obviously never made home-made ice cream.

I know.

I watch it work on my steps and driveway, but miraculously it doesn’t work on the road.

Gotta be a reason they don’t use it at times, but it must be so convoluted or just plain stoopid they don’t think us mere mortals can comprehend.

 

[GnrlPatton]

Who comes up with that crap? Now, I understand that the antifreeze they spread on the roads around here needs to be laid down prior to dropping to freezing temps, but the salt? They've obviously never made home-made ice cream.

Don't question the science!

 

[fr8dog]

 

[RBB]

A good buddy of mine has 2 Super Bowl tickets, 40 yard line box seats. He paid $2,500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. Probably because of the extra game this year.

If you’re interested, he’s looking for someone to take his place...It's at Fincastle Baptist at 3pm. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'4", about 115 lbs, good cook too. She'll be in the white dress.

 

[RBB]

 

[OllieC]

 

[firecadet613]

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[OllieC]

 

[RBB]

View attachment 119914

Geez, I own several thousand of those. Never realized they was so large.

 

[JayhawkCurtis]