Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

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Larry and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Larry didn't show up. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Larry lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Larry, but one day, Bob approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Larry!
Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Larry, what in the world happened to you?
Larry replied, 'I've been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Bob. What in the world fer?'
'Well,' Larry said, 'you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Bob, 'I remember her. What about her?
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'.
'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’
 
JayhawkCurtis said:
View attachment 138452
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As a skydiving Jump Master I have had this conversation with a student in a Cessna 182. Procedure was to place your feet on the step, use your left hand and grab the wing strut and place your right hand fingers out, thumb in on the rear door strut:

ME: "Door" (I open the door and there is a gasp as the student looks out and sees "the world" below)
Me: "Put your feet out"
Student: "Now"?
Me: "Yes, now"
Student: " I won't fall out"?
Me: "No, PUT YOUR FEET OUT"
Student: "...." (and puts his feet out and with some prompting gets his hands in position)
ME: "Get Ready... Go!"
Student: Looks at me "ME?"
Me: "Yes, you! GO!"
Student: "Now?"
Me: "YES, NOW... GOOO!"
Student: "Go, Now?"
ME: Screaming "GOOOO! Get out of my damn airplane!"
Student:... whoosh, he is gone...

Student: (On the ground with big "Shit eating grin" plastered on his face). "Man that was great! It was so easy to get out of the plane! It happens so quick! I have got to try that again sometime..."
ME: <Thinking> "I will never see this guy again..."
 
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