House guests, am I being unreasonable?

paulswagelock

paulswagelock

Well-Known Member
Oct 25, 2010
2,198
pa
Boat Info
2018 SDX 270 OB 300 Verado
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Verado 300
We have a winter home in a desired area. We have an open invitation to family and friends to visit while we are there, and usually people take us up on the offer.

So the latest guests are family. They are notably cheap, employed and do ok, but cheap. Sometimes they feel a little too “aware” of our financial good fortunes.

They decided to take a vacation and asked if they could stay at our house to save $2000 on hotels, I was fine with that. They are pleasant and easy to get along with. They were reasonably neat as guests, no issues with the stay itself.

They stayed a week. In that week they ate our food, our snacks, consumed our alcohol, etc. They even requested we cook meals in so they don‘t need to pay for restaurant meals every night. As supplies ran low, and we needed to go shopping, they rode along but never offered to replenish what they consumed, or to buy supplies for some of the meals. At one point, they purchased some of the craft beers they drank because they enjoyed it, but then put the purchased beer in the car to take home with them. If we ate lunch out, they never offered to pay for our meal.

We agreed to go to an event 2 weeks ahead of their stay and we told them what it would cost, they were all in. We ordered the seats and attended the event while they were in town. They did not bring cash to pay for the seats and did not want to go to the atm because they did not want to pay the fee. They said they will give us a check in a few months when they see us again. The last night they did pay for dinner but requested a reasonably priced restaurant be selected.

I feel taken advantage of, and a little resentful. My wife said just shrug it off, but I can’t.
Looking to hear some other‘s opinions on if I am being the A$$ here.
 
I would feel the same as you but let it go as there is no good ending. Many people are dumbasses in many regards and it's why my circle of close friends is tiny.
 
paulswagelock said:
...
I feel taken advantage of, and a little resentful. My wife said just shrug it off, but I can’t.
Looking to hear some other‘s opinions on if I am being the A$$ here.
Click to expand...

I guess it comes down to how close you are with them and if there is give and take elsewhere in that relationship. But I usually cut ties with people like that, but family is usually family and you need to suck it up at times.

You can choose your friends but your stuck with family. That said I would I would feel the same as you.
 
tc410 said:
lol CSR is now turning into Dear Abby…

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Dear Abby - Life Advice

Written by Abigail Van Buren (also known as Jeanne Phillips), Dear Abby is the most widely syndicated columnist in the world, delivering sound, compassionate advice every day.
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Click to expand...
It's the Tiki Bar area......topics are not constrained.
 
Don’t sweat the small stuff. You can‘t take it with you so feel good that you could provide for them And they could enjoy their stay.

I generally don’t invite anyone anywhere if I’m not going to pick up the bill. My kid took me golfing for my birthday. I said, cool lets go to this course and I picked up the bill, even though the kid is making good money. Beating his sorry a$$ on the course was good enough. :)
 
I would have cured that early on in their stay. Living in Florida for as many years as we did, we had family down numerous times. I set expections right off the bat. We would have room in the fridge upon their arrival and would make a Publix run to stock it when they arrived and would split costs. Any restaurants were dutch. Any days to attractions were dutch. They knew the deal right off the bat and we never had issues. We also never had any "one and done" family visits.

Now having family on the boat for a day, they pay nothing. If we stop for lunch or dinner, I pay the tab. I never accept anything for those days.
 
I have the same problem or had. My SIL would bring her whole family to our house for their vacation…. Never paid a dime for anything and they love to drink…. When the wine would come out she would say do you have any of the other stuff….. of course it was twice the price and I know this girl drinks box wine at home.
At the end I told my wife that’s it.. she now goes there to see her family
 
Jus Cruisin said:
I would have cured that early on in their stay. Living in Florida for as many years as we did, we had family down numerous times. I set expections right off the bat. We would have room in the fridge upon their arrival and would make a Publix run to stock it when they arrived and would split costs. Any restaurants were dutch. Any days to attractions were dutch. They knew the deal right off the bat and we never had issues. We also never had any "one and done" family visits.
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I get that but I feel like I shouldn’t have to say it.
 
You're never going to come out good on this one, really only two choices here -- well maybe three:

1. Confront them and flat out ask for money -- you'll look like an ass.
2. In the future don't have them over -- again you'll look like an ass.
3. Smile, enjoy their visit and just overlook the money. You can still be an ass while they are there, but at least you don't look like an ass.

Family can really suck sometimes!
 
Jus Cruisin said:
I would have cured that early on in their stay. Living in Florida for as many years as we did, we had family down numerous times. I set expections right off the bat. We would have room in the fridge upon their arrival and would make a Publix run to stock it when they arrived and would split costs. Any restaurants were dutch. Any days to attractions were dutch. They knew the deal right off the bat and we never had issues. We also never had any "one and done" family visits.

Now having family on the boat for a day, they pay nothing. If we stop for lunch or dinner, I pay the tab. I never accept anything for those days.
Click to expand...
I agree with your boat policy, we do the same. If we invite you out, we cover costs. Just bring any specifics you might want in case we don‘t stock it.

I guess I never thought the house rules needed said. I don’t mind the consumption, and if it was a weekend type visit, I would never expect them to replenish or chip in. But 7 days….
 
I have a similar situation. I have a lake home in northern Wisconsin. It’s the ideal snowmobiling destination. I have several friends that like to come up and go riding. I have a couple friends that always show up with their snowmobiles and the clothes on their backs. They expect me to provide them with food, alcohol and even gas for their snowmobiles. These certain guys wonder why they never get invited any more. Don’t they have a clue? Oh and when it’s their turn to buy a round at the bar. They magically disappear.
 
paulswagelock said:
We have a winter home in a desired area. We have an open invitation to family and friends to visit while we are there, and usually people take us up on the offer.

So the latest guests are family. They are notably cheap, employed and do ok, but cheap. Sometimes they feel a little too “aware” of our financial good fortunes.

They decided to take a vacation and asked if they could stay at our house to save $2000 on hotels, I was fine with that. They are pleasant and easy to get along with. They were reasonably neat as guests, no issues with the stay itself.

They stayed a week. In that week they ate our food, our snacks, consumed our alcohol, etc. They even requested we cook meals in so they don‘t need to pay for restaurant meals every night. As supplies ran low, and we needed to go shopping, they rode along but never offered to replenish what they consumed, or to buy supplies for some of the meals. At one point, they purchased some of the craft beers they drank because they enjoyed it, but then put the purchased beer in the car to take home with them. If we ate lunch out, they never offered to pay for our meal.

We agreed to go to an event 2 weeks ahead of their stay and we told them what it would cost, they were all in. We ordered the seats and attended the event while they were in town. They did not bring cash to pay for the seats and did not want to go to the atm because they did not want to pay the fee. They said they will give us a check in a few months when they see us again. The last night they did pay for dinner but requested a reasonably priced restaurant be selected.

I feel taken advantage of, and a little resentful. My wife said just shrug it off, but I can’t.
Looking to hear some other‘s opinions on if I am being the A$$ here.
Click to expand...
No, I don't feel you're being an ass at all...but if there's to be any changes in the future, you and the wife need to agree on what they are and the guests must be told.

Our family had annual reunions for years, as the old timers started dropping off I started to throw the get togethers. A two or three day event, a sit down nice main meal, live music, sometimes an outside cookout the last day. I'd get everything set up and send out invitations which included shared costs.

I would pick up all costs except rooms and the catered meal. The last one was in 2009. One group of relatives caused so much trouble the last time I said 'that's it'. They were bitchin' because they had to drive the farthest and I should have flown them all in and paid for every thing.

With one individual idiot it almost got to a fistfight, then he made some serious threats, to which I informed him I'd blow his goddamned brains out. How'd it get to that, kinda defeats the purpose of a 'family' reunion so 'that's it' no more reunions have been held. I haven't talked to any of them for 15yrs now, I like it better this way.
 
Pirate Lady said:
<< insert picture of cousin Eddie here >>
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IMG_6291.png
At least cousin Eddie will offer you a beer.
 
Woody said:
Shit cousin Eddie ain't so bad, I was dealing with relatives that one time a farmer down the road had some livestock get through the fence. One of his cows wandered in their yard, they shot it, drug it in their garden shed....free beef.o_O:eek:
Click to expand...
Taste better than venison and cost a lot less if you get caught.
 
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