Boating and Family

christo15

christo15

New Member
Oct 15, 2013
275
Stamford, CT "Ponus Yacht Club"
Boat Info
2002 320 DA Sea Ray, Garmin 741xs
Engines
350 Mercruisers V-drives
My family and I have been boating for right around 15 years now. We started with a 20 ft Grady White and climbed the ladder like we all do and now am proudly sitting on my Sea Ray 320 purchased just over a year ago.
With two kids in college, a wife that works part time, and a majority of non-boater friends, I've had difficulty really immersing myself in the boating experience. I have to pull teeth to get my family on the boat (besides my son who likes the boat more than I do.) Although it's great to have my son with me, my wife complains every time I'm on the boat. The only time she'll step foot on the boat and really enjoy it is when we have a big group of friends which happens all of maybe 3 times a season. Don't get me wrong, I love boating, I just am beginning to have trouble rationalizing spending all this money on a boat that has caused more stress in my family than pleasure.
Does anyone else have a similar situation and a solution? :smt100
 
Maybe you need a bigger boat. Not being sarcastic here either. Some folks just don't feel right on the water unless they've got lots of elbow room and their own "private" space to go to. I know people who are right at home on a 47 Nordhavn but claim to feel woozy every time they come out on the lake in <30 footers. Lucky your son has your boating genes. The larger vessels may provide something that Mom is missing in the smaller cruisers, eg; full sized and equipped galley, bathtub/hot tub, hobby room, seperate owner's stateroom, sundeck, room to dance etc etc. I know my Admiral would just LOVE for us to have a small cruise ship, but alas, I am a mere mortal earning just enough to buy lottery tickets. Good luck with your delemna.
 
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christo15 said:
My family and I have been boating for right around 15 years now. We started with a 20 ft Grady White and climbed the ladder like we all do and now am proudly sitting on my Sea Ray 320 purchased just over a year ago.
With two kids in college, a wife that works part time, and a majority of non-boater friends, I've had difficulty really immersing myself in the boating experience. I have to pull teeth to get my family on the boat (besides my son who likes the boat more than I do.) Although it's great to have my son with me, my wife complains every time I'm on the boat. The only time she'll step foot on the boat and really enjoy it is when we have a big group of friends which happens all of maybe 3 times a season. Don't get me wrong, I love boating, I just am beginning to have trouble rationalizing spending all this money on a boat that has caused more stress in my family than pleasure.
Does anyone else have a similar situation and a solution? :smt100
Click to expand...

i am very fortunate that my wife enjoys boating as much or more than i do so i really cannot fully imagine what your situation is like....i do have experience with spending time on other things (i.e. golf) that my wife has no interest in so maybe this is similar....

maybe you can identify the thing or things that your wife (and your friends) does not like about boating and see if you can make changes to make these items more appealing to them, even if it means having to change style and/or size boats....maybe it would require changing the way you operate the boat....i know when i take my elderly parents for a cruise they get very annoyed if i go to fast and they have trouble talking over the engine noise....when we are at 'cocktail speed' they are perfectly happy and enjoy the ride...even if you have to make some compromises on how you boat to get others interested it may be worth the sacrafice....some boating time is better than no boating time....

just my $.02.....

good luck...

cliff
 
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Well, that's a shame that she doesn't enjoy the boat.

I definitely like boating better than the wife, but we made some great friends at the marina and boat with them every weekend. She has become close to the other ladies and enjoys their company... so that helps.

Good luck!
 
Chris Nowell said:
Maybe you need a bigger boat. Not being sarcastic here either. Some folks just don't feel right on the water unless they've got lots of elbow room and their own "private" space to go to. I know people who are right at home on a 47 Nordhavn but claim to feel woozy every time they come out on the lake in <30 footers. Lucky your son has your boating genes. The larger vessels may provide something that Mom is missing in the smaller cruisers, eg; full sized and equipped galley, bathtub/hot tub, hobby room, seperate owner's stateroom, sundeck, room to dance etc etc. I know my Admiral would just LOVE for us to have a small cruise ship, but alas, I am a mere mortal earning just enough to buy lottery tickets. Good luck with your delemna.
Click to expand...

I wish that solved that problem!! The bigger the boat the more my wife thinks it's a "money drain."
 
What you do as time goes on depends a great deal on your relationship with your wife. Some marriages work best if both parties have significantly separate interests. If that works great. Some spend almost every waking moment doing the same thing - this is great most of the time but has drawbacks if you have different opinions as to how you want to spend your time. If you were to sell the boat do you think you would end up with more quality time with your wife? If not and you would just pick up on a different hobby stick with the boat if you are passionate about it.
 
The real problem is that my wife would rather do other things (travel the world, play tennis, etc.) and leave the boat behind. Don't get me wrong, once or twice a year she'll say "We should really bring so and so on the boat, it would be fun," but that's it. We have been at our yacht club for several years now and we haven't made close friends with anyone and that could be the potential problem. I would much rather work it out then be forced to sell the boat. That's for sure!
 
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You and your wife need to spend more time at the slip meeting other boaters who share your enthusiasm.....its at least 50% of the experience....we love spending time with our new found friends...ha can't be on the boat ALL the time.
 
Not married but I have found that through boating I have boating friends, and land friends. I see more of the boating friends in season, with occasional day trips or overnighters with land friends aboard... and I see land friends in the non-boating seasion. Best of all is that boating friends are becoming off-season friends too.

My suggestion just based on what you've written, is to see if you could find a marina/yacht club that offers some of the amentites your wife wants access to on the weekends (like tennis courts). In your area, there may or may not be any. Down here there are a few that have tennis courts, and gyms, pools etc. Then maybe she would like spending time at/on the boat and also engage more with others in the marina establishing some boating friendships too?

I used to travel a lot more before I got the boat. Now I find myself mostly involved with the boat and boating activities/gatherings. My "vacations" have gone from full/partial weeks a few times a year, to mini vactions throughout the boating season. Do I miss going new places? Sure, but at the same time, I can tailor my boating activities to work the budget for extra non-boating trips if I get bored.
 
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JimG said:
Well, that's a shame that she doesn't enjoy the boat.

I definitely like boating better than the wife,
Click to expand...

I like boating better than my wife also, I also like Jennifer Aniston better than my wife - though I would never tell her about either of those :grin: :grin:
 
SeaAyeOwe said:
I like boating better than my wife also, I also like Jennifer Aniston better than my wife - though I would never tell her about either of those :grin: :grin:
Click to expand...

Shoot - Honey if you read this I was Joking of course :smt100
 
I think JimfromMD is right on. Find a different club or find a marina that has some amenities your wife can embrace! It could just save the boat and maybe improve your marriage! I’m not saying it is a sure fire thing, but it would give her something else to do, and more than likely, meet others too.

I grew up on a lake in NE Indiana, and had been on boats all of my younger years (through college at least). My wife grew up with a pool. Two different worlds, but I lucked out, she loved our first boat (a SeaDoo 23 years ago), a SR 200BR Sig 20 years ago. Life came along, jobs, kids, house, etc., and we sold both. Until last January, I stayed away from boats as best I could. She knew this was a sacrifice for me, I LOVE boats and lake/water life.

When I found our boat, it wasn’t perfect. I was so worried she wouldn’t like it. She had never seen it before we purchased it, I did. I was there for the truck when it arrived at the marina and I took it to the marina we call home. She was so worried she wouldn't like it because of how I was acting. But the first time we went up to the boat together, we unloaded our truck, I opened the boat up, and she moved into the cabin and took it over. It was HERS. I didn’t know this until I opened the door and looked down at her and through tears she said to me, “whats wrong with you, I love this boat!"

And that is the way it is for us. I take care if the engines, the finish and general upkeep of the boat, but the cabin is HERS. And then there is the dock..... I’m still building the dock to what she wants, and I love doing this with her. Cabinets, granite, lights,chairs, fridge, oven, micro, etc. its part of the lake now. Someone above mentioned that the dock is 50% of the experience, that is true. We have more friends at the lake than we do at home. My wife has been looking for that for a long time. All of these friend spend the days out at our favorties hiding spots on the lake during the day and we party like no one is watching at night sometimes. They are all good people and are becoming more and more friend, outside of boating, and we are planning our New Years evening with them at a casino and possibly a Key West vacation on bikes this summer.

However, also as mentioned above, my home “land” friends have no interest in my boat. I have asked and asked to have them come up. My rule now is, I’ll ask you twice, thats it. I don’t understand why they wouldn’t come up, but there are probably as many reasons as there are different people. I been joked about how I have a boat now, and I am snob, and have “boat friends”. These people will never be invited up again. That even includes my brother, which hurt badly, since he and I used to spend a lot of time on the ole’ SR200BR.... but he has changed and doesn’t accept my lake friends, he doesn’t have to now. Sad.

But the ones that hurt a little are my kids. I have 2 boys, 16 and 18, Jr and Sr in high school. They really wanted a ski boat I think and when I didn’t get that, they just don’t come up very often. I found the comprimise for that! We are getting a Sea Doo for Christmas, but only all of us on this site know that! I’m getting it without my better half knowing nor the kids and it will be a big suprise! They all can go out and play and ski behind it and run around a bit. Heck, I might even get to go out and have some fun with it!

The point of my rambling, I understand your pressures, and your dilemmas. It may take some effort getting your wife to be happy around the boat, but it is possible. As for friends, look for a new marina/club. For all the freindships that are here on this site, I can only imagine the amount of freinds you could make in the flesh, so to speak. Don’t worry about the land lubbers, find people of like minds and same interests. Boating and water!

Matt
 
I'm very fortunate in that my wife enjoys boating as much as I do. She's a great deck hand, helps with the maintenance, has changed impellers by herself, and I couldn't be happier with her or our situation.

I guess I have a couple of questions for you....when she said you should bring "so and so" on the boat, what did you do? Did they come? Once? More often? Did your wife enjoy having them on board and have a good time with them? If she did, there's a huge clue. Find out who she wants to have on board and bring them along on future cruises. Then expand your circle of friends to include friends of hers and bring them along.

The second question is....have you talked with her about this? Have you asked her what it is about boating that she doesn't like? We all know if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody going to be happy.

I think the answer to your problem is to communicate with her, find out what she likes and doesn't like, then take steps to do more of what she likes.
 
I was getting burned out boating and then we switched marinas. Our old club was becoming a grave yard for old dirty boats and the people we had something in common with sold their boats. We tried another marina for a weekend and loved it. Changed how we boat a lot. Our hours on the motors of the boat is half what it used to be. But we spend just as much time on the boat. I used to drive the boat more, because I hated being in the marina. Now we have fun. I have gotten into triathlons. So I run with a couple people in the marina in the morning.
 
It is all relative... My wife hates to fly and I fly for a living and have access to a single engine plane. I have to bribe her to go flying and have only managed to do that a few times over the past several years. The last trip was to the Abacos in 2013 and the WX was terrible so my chances of getting her in a plane anytime soon is slim.

On the other hand, we spend as much time on the water as possible and it is truly one of the hobbies that we share. oddly, she loves to go to the beach and I can't stand it unless we are on the boat - good compromise.

My kids are young and we take full advantage of that for them to explore and develop. I picked them up early from school today and we run around on the dinghy (brought it home to clean it) on a local river exploring.
 
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I have a mixed review. My wife is the boat nut, my grandkids love it when they are in town but my son seems to be less interested each year. He is 19 now and has other interests. I love having him with me but when we's on board he wants to be the captain. I'm glad for this but he becomes frustrated when I take control to leave or enter the dock.

I know if the wife ever lost interest the boating would be over. Not because of my loss of interest in it but to make a compromise we both would enjoy.
Just my opinion.
 
Summary so far; Club with tennis court + Nordhavn 62 = Problem solved.

All kidding aside, you might try a barebone charter of a large trawler for a week or so and plan a destination that will provide something a bit different than what your own boating area offers.
 
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In the few years that we have been boating we've learned that its not just spending time out on the water that makes it enjoyable its the people you meet. When we first started out with our 215 we were at a decent sized marina with nice enough dock mates but there were not a lot of members so we were scattered all around the docks. Though people were nice enough when they held the gate open for you, there wasn't a sense of community. When we upgraded to our current 320 we decided to move half mile away to a "nicer" marina. At first it was a bit intimidating because there were a lot of seasoned boaters with many larger nicer boats. Not the case at all. They are the most helpful, knowledgeable group of people we've ever met. I have to say some of the best times we've spent on the boat has been at the marina. Whenever we are planning a trip or a weekend away we always bounce it off our dock mates. They are always very helpful with routes to take and where to stay. This to me makes boating so enjoyable. Another great thing we did this summer was join the Northeast Flotilla. We've made great friends and the kids had a blast. We've taken friends out a few times over the season which have been great but honestly the best time spent has been making new friends at the dock as well as on our trips. Maybe you should try moving marinas? We are at the brewers down in Stratford and we absolutely love it there.
 
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