Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

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How many light bulbs does it take to change a vaxxer

None. Light bulbs have better things to do with their time.
 
It’s a good idea for a book. “How to lose a war”. By the US Military.
 
Bud light exec, Coors lite exec, Miller light exec, and Heineken beer exec. After a meeting are at a restaurant. The Bud light exec orders a Bud light, Coors light exec orders a Coors light, the Miller light exec orders a Miller light, The Heineken exec orders a Coke. The other three execs look at the Heineken exec in amazement. They then asked: Why did you order a Coke? The Heineken exec replied, none of you guy's are drinking beer so why should I.
 
A woman walks into the living room with her bags packed.

Her husband asks “Where are you going?”

She tells him that she’s going to Vegas where she can make $400 a night doing what she gives him for free.

He goes and packs his own bags and when she asks where he’s going he says “I’m going too. I have to see how you’re going to live on $800 a year.”
 
Two guys are ridding in a car. The driver has already ran three red lights. After running another red light his buddie askes him "who taught you how to drive." The driver reply's my cousin. At the next light that is green the driver abruptly stops. His buddie in amazement looks over at him and yells what the hell are you stopping at a green light for? The driver looks at him and says my cousin might be out driving today.
 
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Two southern boys come up to the great lakes to go ice fishing for their first time. When they were at a bar after being out all day. A guy at the bar asked them if they caught anything out ice fishing that day. Both the southern boys looked at him and said hell no it took all day just cutting through the ice to get the boat in.
 
A crowded bar, late at night. A fat woman in a sleeveless sundress walks up to the bar. Raising one arm, exposing a hairy armpit, she yells, "What S.O.B. here wants to buy a lady a drink?"

The place goes dead quiet except for one old drunk at the other end of the bar. Leaning over and squinting blearily he shouts, "I will! Pour that ballerina a drink!"

The bartender, with a puzzled expression, says to the drunk, "I'll pour her one, but why did you call her a ballerina?"

The drunk replies, "Hell, any woman who can kick her leg that high in the air has got to be a ballerina!"
 
Young lady goes into a tattoo shop and says she wants a tattoo of Paul Newman on her inside upper left thigh. And Robert Redford on the other upper thigh.

After the artist was done, she looked and said that was not Paul and Robert. That the tattoos looked nothing like them. She and the artist had words and he said "Fine! we'll someone else be the judge".

So he goes outside and finds a local drunk. Brings him in and asks "Who do you see?"

The old drunk looks and studies a bit and says "I don't know who those fellas on the end are, But the one in the middle is definitely Willie Nelson!!"
 
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