So an elderly gentleman walks into a small bookstore and says to the woman behind the counter "I can't remember the title but I want a copy of Donald Trump's newest book."
To which the woman responds "Hey get the hell out of here and don't ever come back!"
So he says "Yea that's it! Do you have it in paperback?"

 

I held the door open in a restaurant last night for a gorgeous blond.
Wife said: "You've never held the door open for me"
I said: "What about the time you threatened to leave."

 

Mom I'm going out.
Your not going anywhere till you change your mini skirt.
Ah mom really?
Your balls are hanging out Richard!

 

The town drunk ran into an old friend of his.
His buddy suggested they go into the local watering hole for a drink.
The town drunk looks at him with a strange look on his face Then he says oh I don't go in there anymore. since it became such a religious bar.
A religious bar never heard of such a place. Come on pulling him by the shirt they enter the bar.
Seeing the town drunk the bar crowd yells out "Jesus Christ, are you back already."
The drunk looks at his buddy and says see I told you so.

 

So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".

 

A guy standing at a riverbank.
Yelled to a female blond on the bank across from him.
How do I get to the other side?
The blonde: You are on the other side, daa!

 

Mother talking to son on Mother's Day.
And to think I almost swallowed you.

 

Cruel. But good

 

 

The daughter brought her boyfriend home for dinner and to meet her parents. After dinner the girl's dad had a nosebleed that wouldn't stop. Her new boyfriend had her dad tilt his head back while he pinched his nose closed for him. It stopped the bleeding. After the daughter and boyfriend left. The father stated he is going to be our son-in-law by the smell of his fingers.

 

Cruel

 

 

 

Father and daughter crossing the desert on a Camel when all of a sudden, they are approached by bandits. The father looks at the daughter and says well there goes all our diamonds we have saved. Daughter grabs the diamonds and tells father I will hide them in the only place that a woman could hide them. All the thieves ended up leaving with was the Camel. Daughter looking at her father's sad face commented why are you so sad? If your mother would have been here, we could have saved the Camel.

 

Seriously. I have a head injury. No joke. I don't get it @doug

 

The father was referring to the size of his wife's vagina and that it could hide a camel as well as the diamonds.

 

I thought about that but
. Could not put it together. Thanks bro

 

When I fell in 2023 I hit my head and it hasn't been right since. Post concussion syndrome. Sometimes I just don't comprehend things and have headaches and my balance sucks. Don't know if boat will sit for a 3rd year or not.

 

Thanks

 

@Scott215 You do realize you replied to yourself, and thanked yourself, dont you? Very strange

 

That's why it's called the joke thread right. . I thought I hit quote. Head injury is real. Hope you all got a laugh. Lol

 

The University of Michigan received a Federal grant of $500,000 to study the effects of cocaine and marijuana on mice. Six months after they began the study, they requested, and were granted, an additional $500,000. Six months after that, the study concluded that the combination of cocaine and marijuana resulted in the mice "exhibiting erratic behavior".

Completely underwhelmed by the results of the study, a Congressional hearing was convened. One questioner angrily asked,
"Erratic behavior? That's accepted knowledge! What a waste of taxpayer money! And another thing - why, after six months, did you have to come back for more money?"

Researchers admitted it was a flaw in their methodology. They explained that they were initially administering the drugs in the wrong order. The mice kept giggling and blowing the lines off of the mirror.

 

Killer, jmg

 

Dad asked his son: Whey he was getting home so late.
Son: I was at my girlfriend's house studying. Looking down and picking one up from the counter are these fish patty's for supper?
Dad : Go wash your hands their pastry for dessert.

 

 

A reporter was interviewing Michael Jordan

Reporter: MIchael, do you think your bulls team could beat Lebrons lakers team?
MJ: Yes
Reporter: How many points do you think you would beat them by?
MJ: Probably 2 or 3
Reporter: Wow, why such a close game?
MJ: well most of us are in our 60’s now!