Unsure How to Handle This....

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by NorCal Boater, Jan 20, 2020.

  1. NorCal Boater

    NorCal Boater Well-Known Member SILVER Sponsor

    Jan 24, 2008
    Covington, LA
    Cobalt CM23
    GM SB 383" Stroker" Alpha Gen I
    Four years ago my wife and I made the decision to leave Northern California and move to SE Louisiana. There were several reasons for the move. I was looking at retirement and cost of living is much, much lower; my wife's mother (84) is/was there and they have not lived near each other in 28 years; she grew up here and has family here; she is an LSU alum (well that part has been fun); and lastly, the relatively low cost of homes on the water with access to the Gulf. So we sold our 52' CPMY ($26,000 to move) and took our classic 23' Cobalt with us and moved to Covington, LA. And I do like it here....it's not Cal but there are many pluses.

    As soon as I started looking at the homes with docks in the back yard, it became clear that my wife did not want to live the 50 miles away from her Mother where the waterfront homes are located. And truth be told, while the area with the homes I was interested in was mostly nice, the surrounding area was just so-so. So I reluctantly gave up my lifelong dream of living on the water. The vision of having the boat in the back yard and being able to work on it there and just pack and leave from home was dreamlike not to mention not paying slip fees.

    But my other lifelong dream was to be retired and cruise to destinations (mostly coastal) at a leisurely pace enjoying the peaceful surroundings found on the water. I finished the restoration of the Cobalt last year and started looking for a suitable express cruiser. At this point, out of nowhere, my wife dropped the bombshell that she is done with big boat cruising. WTF! She always loved cruising. She now thinks we should buy a 5th wheel trailer and drive around. We already have to truck to tow with (F-250 diesel).

    At this point I have absolutely no interest in doing the RV thing. I know there are really nice RV parks but I just can't see myself overnighting in a parking lot. I really enjoyed cruising for most of the day and then pulling into a new, unknown marina for the night. And I loved having a boat in a marina. It was so enjoyable be to sleep aboard even if we just stayed in our slip for the weekend. And nobody, but nobody goes down to their RV storage lot and spends the weekend in the 5th wheeler.

    I've really only had 2 personal dreams/wants in my life and now to keep peace (and remain wedded) I have to give up on them. Getting older has been hard enough. Now this.... Another thing to figure out. And they say there is no stress in retirement....
  2. highslice

    highslice Well-Known Member

    Mar 28, 2008
    Table Rock Lake, Hollister Missouri
    270 SLX
    496 Mag
    Bravo III
    Oh man, that's a rough one. I never understood why people would go the RV route over cruising on a boat. My wife rolls her eyes at me when I talk about moving to Florida and getting a 60' cruiser with diesels. But, when I decide to pull the trigger, she will be right by my side.

    Good luck, Shawn. I feel for you.
  3. Craig

    Craig Well-Known Member

    Feb 8, 2007
    2006 320 Sundancer
    twin 350 Horizon V drives
    Happy wife, happy life....?:)
  4. Thornton69

    Thornton69 Active Member

    Sep 15, 2014
    Northern BC
    1981 245 SDC
    1984 18' Valco sled
    5.7 260 Merc/ Bravo 2
    Evanrude 115/80 jet
    Maybe an airstrip in your future?
    NorCal Boater and Steve S like this.
  5. NotHerDecision

    NotHerDecision Well-Known Member PLATINUM Sponsor

    Jun 28, 2016
    Houston, Texas
    2001 Sea Ray 460 Sundancer
    2014 Seadoo 155 LTD
    2105 Seadoo 130 SE
    2013 Mercury Dinghy
    Cummins 6CTA 8.3L
    I’m a boat guy as well. And no where near retirement but I say try the rv thing for awhile. There are a ton of places to see in the US and you may love it once you get into it. Plus I’d love to own that Cobalt you won’t want to leave sitting unused while your driving around the country
    my3sons and NorCal Boater like this.
  6. Todd320

    Todd320 Well-Known Member

    Jul 21, 2016
    St. Petersburg, FL
    2007 Sea Ray 320DA
    Twin V-drive 5.7L 350 Horizon
    Is there a compromise in there? Maybe, “I’ll do the RV thing for 2 years, but then I want to take 2 years and do some cruising”?? My wife wanted to do the RV thing after seeing some friends do it, but I told her about the great loop, where you get to visit a different city every few days, and now she is on board with that, as long as we truly visit these places, and not just sleep, eat, boat to next marina, eat, drink, repeat...
    my3sons and NorCal Boater like this.
  7. bobeast

    bobeast Dance the Tide SILVER Sponsor

    Oct 22, 2017
    Isleton, CA
    2002 310DA
    350 MPI w/V-drives
    Ugh. You moved across country to be closer to MIL, and now 50 miles is too far..... Seems like something else is going on there. In any case a compromise may be in order. My wife, for example, has no interest in boating, but encourages me to spend time on my boat as often as possible. You just may need to change your boating style to single-handing.
    NorCal Boater likes this.
  8. Gofirstclass

    Gofirstclass Well-Known Member GOLD Sponsor

    Apr 20, 2010
    Tri Cities, WA
    1995 550 Sedan Bridge,
    1981 Boston Whaler 130 Sport,
    CAT 3406C's, 580hp.
    We're kind of in the same boat (pardon the pun). One of my life dreams was to take my 330 Sundancer back to the Great Lakes and spend a summer cruising. When we bought our current boat I had to give up that dream but started planning a 4-month cruise up into Puget Sound and Canadian waters. We couldn't leave before this time because her mother, at 104 years of age, is going down hill health wise. We may not be able to make the trip this summer. It all depends on my MIL's health.

    The plan was to do the trip then sell the boat and buy a motor home to tour the country. She was "on board" with all that.

    Then, a couple of years ago she said she didn't really want to be on the boat that long.

    So at this point my life long dream is a bit up in the air. She hasn't permanently nixed the idea of the cruise but she's not 100% in favor of it.

    NorCal, Good luck with your future plans.
  9. Al Schmitt

    Al Schmitt New Member

    Jan 19, 2020
    2000 SeaRay, 21' 5.7 Mefi 1. Runs rich always.
    5.7 Mercruiser TBI
    Life is short. As a camper service tech I know that an RV has huge maintenance issues beginning with the roof and slide outs. Boats are not maintenance free either as we all know. Pick one thing and try it for a couple years. Make memories and try something else. Nothing is forever as my wife and I are finding out quickly. Good luck and have Fun!
  10. FastMarkA

    FastMarkA Active Member

    Jul 12, 2010
    2015 Sunseeker Portofino 40
    Volvo Penta D6-330
    Perhaps rent an RV as a trial. Plan a trip that goes through bigger cities with substantial traffic. That might satisfy the curiosity and recognize RV life isn't so great.
    liv2ryde100, joeyleggz and Captn TJ like this.
  11. Al Schmitt

    Al Schmitt New Member

    Jan 19, 2020
    2000 SeaRay, 21' 5.7 Mefi 1. Runs rich always.
    5.7 Mercruiser TBI
    Locally we know of a harbor master that plans on cruising the intercostal water ways which is to take two years to complete. Sounds exciting but might be a tuff way of life. There is an entire community out there to support you on this. Check it out and good luck!
  12. DWABoat

    DWABoat Well-Known Member

    Aug 13, 2019
    S Louisiana
    2001 280 Sundancer
    1989 220CC Cuddy Cabin
    Twin 4.3 w/Alpha Ones
    5.7 Mercruiser Alpha One
    If you have the budget, get the RV. Respect her dream as much as your dream. You had the boat, her turn. Give it a few years, then feel good about getting your dream boat.

    Besides, have an open mind. I have a travel trailer in addition to my 280. I absolutely love boating, however, camping in the Smokey Mountains is also wonderful.

    There is a wonderful RV resort about 20 miles from your house called Reunion Lake. Amazing place including adults-only (alcohol allowed) huge hot tub, heated lazy river, grill, swim up bar, and on and on. A breather from the boat life could give you time to evaluate the local area and shop for a new boat.

    I live about 40 miles from you, by the way.
  13. Carpediem44DB

    Carpediem44DB Well-Known Member PLATINUM Sponsor

    Aug 18, 2015
    Sanfransico Bay area
    2006 44 DB Sedan Bridge Raymarine gs165 w Quantum HD Radar
    Achilles 350 Dink
    Nick Jackson Davit
    Cummins QSC 8.3 500 HD
    I count my self lucky I guess, we did the RV thing all over Nor Cal before we got into bigger boat boating. Its always tough when interests diverge though. I guess the best thing is give it a whirl, in the end it will be cheaper and most certainly more fun than a divorce.
    Carpe Diem
  14. JVM225

    JVM225 Well-Known Member GOLD Sponsor

    Apr 8, 2008
    Farmingdale, NY
    2002 410 Sundancer, Monaco Edition.
    3126 Cats.
    I’m retired and I’m a boater who would love to have a diesel pusher RV for the off season. There’s no way my wife would go for it so I may have to put that idea on hold for now.
    my3sons likes this.
  15. NorCal Boater

    NorCal Boater Well-Known Member SILVER Sponsor

    Jan 24, 2008
    Covington, LA
    Cobalt CM23
    GM SB 383" Stroker" Alpha Gen I
    Thanks for the response d-dub. Getting an RV is not her “dream”....it’s just something she all-or-a-sudden decided. I went to my first boat show in Seattle at the age of 25 in 1975. I walked on board a 48 foot Tollycraft and stated, “ I am going to have a boat like this some day and just cruise.” I know that not everything in life works out. I know about that RV park in Robert as I checked it out for my brother last year when he came through with his fifth wheel. If you’re so close how come you never invited me to meet up?

    Thanks to all of you for your responses. Money and my age (70) all play a factor in this as well. We have the money to buy a nice used express cruiser, or rv, but not really the money for slip fees. I have room at the house for a fifth wheel. If I did the RV thing for a couple of years I feel I may be too old to handle all that goes with large boat ownership.

    There are so many facets to this situation and it is a challenge but I know it will get worked out.
  16. NorCal Boater

    NorCal Boater Well-Known Member SILVER Sponsor

    Jan 24, 2008
    Covington, LA
    Cobalt CM23
    GM SB 383" Stroker" Alpha Gen I
    Ya know.... I have a note stuck on my computer to remind me that you have an interest in the Cobalt. Someday soon we need to talk and determine if we are even close on numbers. You may want the boat but not bad enough to pay me what I feel it’s worth. We can PM phone numbers if you want to chat.
  17. DWABoat

    DWABoat Well-Known Member

    Aug 13, 2019
    S Louisiana
    2001 280 Sundancer
    1989 220CC Cuddy Cabin
    Twin 4.3 w/Alpha Ones
    5.7 Mercruiser Alpha One
    You going to keep that screen name? Should be “SoLa” or something now..

    With the additional information, I see your point. Even at my younger 54, I can feel the load of boating and RV’ing a lot more than when I was 44 or 34. At some point, I will either have to have a newer boat dry stored at a marina where I just show up, go boating, then toss them the keys when I’m done, or find a friend with a boat. My current project, double engine pull, has me reminded how hard it is crawling around a bilge. I see your age point very well. I have a good friend who kept a 43’ Viking at Marina Del Ray in Madisonville for many years. It wore him down with constant maintenance. When he finally got rid of it, he swore he would never own another boat. He is 74 now and has been true to his oath for 15 years. He just goes out on my boat now.

    FastMark mentioned RV rental. Another friend rented a 40-foot motor home and towed his little car on a two week long trip to DC, TN, and Memphis. It worked out great for him. His wife has had enough RV’ing for a while.

    I have owned boats for 30 years but just joined this forum last August. We visit Madisonville and Gulfport boating regularly. I will PM you when my boat gets back together. Maybe a joint cruise to Ship Island? It would be nice to have another boat along for my boats shakedown cruise after reassembly, for sure.

  18. Chip S

    Chip S Member

    Jun 17, 2019
    Bordentown, NJ
    1993 Sea Ray 200 Overnighter
    1993 Mercury 150 hp Black Max Outboard
    Our last boat was totaled in a storm and we were having trouble finding a good, used express cruiser. My wife and I discussed getting a new travel trailer instead but both agreed that the RV life is not for us. I guess I'm lucky. We ended up buying a smaller boat than we wanted that was in very good shape until we can find a good, used express cruiser.

    My wife's mother lives with us and that's also part of the equation. The way I look at it, if you moved to be near your mother in law you already compromised on your part. Your wife should compromise on the boat vs. RV. If she doesn't want to do the boat thing, have her stay with your mother in law and find someone else to go boating with. It shouldn't be too hard. My dad owns a boat and my mother rarely goes out with him. He usually goes out with buddies of his. The only thing better than owning a boat is having a friend who owns a boat. :)
  19. NorCal Boater

    NorCal Boater Well-Known Member SILVER Sponsor

    Jan 24, 2008
    Covington, LA
    Cobalt CM23
    GM SB 383" Stroker" Alpha Gen I
    Thanks, I would love to have someone to cruise with. The boat I currently own I owned with a partner in Southern Cal for 10 years (‘89-‘98 and many, many trips to Catalina Island) I bought it back 5 years ago and it was in pretty rough shape. I’ve done so much to it and so much of it is new but I’m still trying to gain confidence in her and taking her on longer cruises. 2018 I was only able to use it a little and last year I had it at Salty’s Marina July-October to see if we would use it much more. Other than one trip to Manchac we basically just went up and down the Tchefuncte. The launch ramps around here are horrible and make launching it alone a challenge but cruising with someone (safety in numbers) might help in the confidence thing.

    Let me know if you need help with your engine project. I’ve worked on boats for a long time and I’m retired and as you said, you’re only 40 miles away.
  20. CSR_Admin

    CSR_Admin Administrator Staff Member

    Mar 10, 2004
    I am 46. Got burned out on cruising since that is all we did for years growing up and through my 20's. Been everywhere on a boat from Maine to the Caribbean. The two other lifestyles I have been exploring are RV'ing and Lake boating. I've already lived on saltwater, so If I go back to waterfront living I want it to be a lake. And as for RV'ing I currently sleep about 80 nights in an rv with the racing I do with my kid. But it is mostly race tracks. We have been trying to hit rv parks when we can. The whole RV thing is awesome, and a great alternative to boating if you want something new. I am really enjoying seeing the things the interior of our country has to offer, like Rt 66.

    I started an RV dealership 6 years ago that is booming. www.BOErv.com Since we do both marine with BOE Marine and RV's we have so many crossover customers and the trend right now is for people to move from boating to RV'ing. The RV parks are incredible. If you like to have some alcohol while you socialize you can do it without worry at an rv park. Boats carry far greater responsibility for the captain. In an RV park you can set up, and enjoy the weekend like everybody else instead of worrying about the boat. RV's have virtually no cost between uses. Maintenance is next to nothing. You can have a top pf the line 5th wheel that will sleep 10 for $70K. A similar boat would be $900k,

    When I first got into the marine industry in 1997 things were pretty good. Manufacturers would spend a decent amount of money to entertain dealers. Events were nice. The industry was healthy. The industry now is a shadow of what it was. In contrast, the RV industry is booming. I was at a recent manufacturer event in Elkhart, and the three entertainers for three consecutive nights were Big & Rich, Keith Urban, and Styx. Entertainment on a scale the marine industry has never had, even for one night. Really put into perspective the directions the two industries are going for me.

    The cost of boats is out of control. The added technology goes into boats, and really doesn't enhance the enjoyment of the boat, is what driving that. I think the RV industry has been smart to keep rv's simple and affordable.
    mwph and sfergson727 like this.

Share This Page

Show Sidebar