Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

'Just about the funniest bumper sticker I've ever seen!

 

It's Nitrous oxide, not helium. And no system will allow the nitrous to flow without oxygen flowing too. So you probably got nothing but air.

 

So back in the day I was at a few parties where someone had gotten a tank of nitrous oxide and we would take turns sucking on the hose. (before they tainted auto nitrous). Fun parties.
Then we figured out the propellant in whip cream cans was nitrous. So one day my friend calls me at work (2nd shift at the time) and says "It's a girl - we will be celebrating at my house, come on over after work".
So I get off work, go the the grocery store and I buy every can of whip cream I could find... like 30 cans. I go to my friends house and we have fun at the party...
A few days later, his wife is home with the newborn and her mother is visiting helping out with the baby. And she goes to the fridge for formula and later when he got home from work, asks my friend why there are 30 cans of whip cream that do not work... He didn't know what to do with the dead cans that still had the cream in them, so he put them in the fridge... He had fun explaining that to his MIL.
We still laugh over that. The "baby" just turned 40 a few weeks ago...

 

Wow! They were called whip-its! when I first heard of it.

 

Got to see LeBron James in a high school tournament right after "Hummer Gate"
Quick recap: His dirt poor mother somehow magically got a $50k loan to buy LeBron a Hummer (nicely skirting the amateur gift rules)

There were about twenty kids from another school sporting these:

 

Whip-its were the cartridges for mixing your own whipped cream.

 

Yeah, they were frowned upon... next step was huffing paint!

 

So he was an asshole in high school too

 

Had the whipped cream shooter and cartridges in my locker in high school. In-between classes were interesting on my end of the hallway.

 

My wife just brought me breakfast. Two hash brown patties with an over-cooked egg on top of one.

She asked me what I thought and told her it reminded me of an old high school girl friend.

She asked "What do you mean by that?"

I replied "not real good looking but tasted great."

They said the cast could probably come off in a week or so.

 

I remember a classic line from the Beverly Hillbillies….Granny was reminiscing about a “spa” in the village of Bug Tussel.

Granny: People used to come from miles around to take the cure.
Jethro: Did it work?
Granny, pausing for a moment thinking: Well, it must have….they never came back!

 

"Wax on; wax off"

 

'Saw this near my house yesterday: