Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

BA DA BING!

 

Not to offend anyone. would you mind taking your picture out of the postings? It takes up alot of space.

 

Somebody unplug GFC. His starter solenoid is stuck!

 

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbour says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

 

OK, I can take a hint!

 

Boudreaux was sitting on his front porch, and up the lane come a running Thibadeaux....

Boudreaux: Thibadeaux, you better slow down man, you're gonna get a heart attack.
Thibadeaux: Boudreax, I got some good news and some bad news. How you want it?
Boudreaux: I tell you what Thibadeaux, why don't you give me the bad news first then dat way the good news may cheer me up.
Thibadeaux: Boudreaux, I hate to be the one to tell you but we found your momma-in-law face down dead in the marsh last night.
Boudreaux: Oh my Lord. My poor, poor momma-in-law, dead in the marsh. What could possibly cheer me up after that?
Thibadeaux: She had 10 big blue crabs on her; we gonna run her again tonight.

Jaybeaux

 

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I think in that instance you're supposed to smack it with a ball peen hammer.

 

"As God is my witness, I thought they could fly!!"


That episode is one of the Top Five (if not Top three) TV scenes EVER!!