Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

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I’m not gonna lie, I’m probably going to have a few beers tonight watching the election results come in!
 
Grandpa went to the Dr. complaining about his ear bothering him. The Dr checked him over and found a suppository in his ear. Grandpa picked up the phone and called Grandma and said "Don't bother looking for my hearing aid. I think I know where it's at."
 
God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him.

Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over the hill....."

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

Adam said, 'What's a cave?'

After God explained, He said, "In the cave you will find a woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?'

So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God first said (under His breath), "Geez....."

And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

And Adam said....

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"What's a headache?"
 
A retired airline pilot is applying for a part-time job with the gummit. Because of the position he's applying for, the application gets a bit more "personal" than one would normally think, but he fills the form completely anyway. As his interviewer is looking over the documents, he blurts out "You put down that you haven't had sex since 1956; doesn't that seem a bit odd?" Glancing at his watch, the applicant states "What's the big deal? It's only 2100 now!"
 

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