Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

Well not you guys, you are the best!

 

What kind of crap is this? So much for the First Amendment

 

This is all I'm getting.

 

Same

 

My wife walked in the kitchen and saw me holding a fly swatter. She asked my what I was doing and I said “hunting flys” . She asked if I have killed any and I said “yes, 3 males and 2 female’s”. She asked how I could tell males from females, and I said because 3 were on a beer can, and 2 were on the phone.

 

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

 

a

 

a

 

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.
After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
"Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" says the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back."
"NO!" says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,
"Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks "and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride."
Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out...
"Look Dad" "You're the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley... YOU RIDE IT!!".......

 

Little Billy asks his mother "Would you sleep with a strange man for a million dollars ?". the mother replied
“Of course I would! We could use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!”

Little Billy finds his sister and asks "Would you sleep with a strange man for a million dollars ?". The girl replied, “Oh, good heavens! I would in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?”

Little Billy finally finds his brother and him "Would you sleep with a strange man for a million dollars ?".
“Of course,” the brother replied. “Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?”.

Little Billy finds his father in the garage and says "You and I could be sitting on three million dollars, but we’re living with two hookers and a future congressman.”