Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

Be sure to read the fine print.

 

Two guys are on a long flight. The one looks at the other one and comments with my high IQ I have done quite well in life. Let's play a mind game. If I can't answer a question you ask, I will give you $500. If you I can't answer a question, I ask you will give me $5. Here is my question. How far is the moon from earth in miles? I have no idea, Ok you owe me $5. This is my question. A person goes up a hill with 2 legs and comes back with 3. Why? I have no idea you owe me $500. Here's your $500. So, what is the answer? I have no idea either so here's $5 I owe you.

 

How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

By taste!

 

After 10 years a wife started to think their child looks kinda strange so she did a DNA test and found out the child is not theirs. She told her husband what she found out, the husband replied, "You don't remember do you?? When we were leaving the hospital, the baby pooped and you told me to go and change him, so I went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there."

 

That is not a joke!