Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

Discussion in 'The Tiki Bar' started by The Bill Collector, May 6, 2009.

  1. JayhawkCurtis

    JayhawkCurtis Well-Known Member

    May 24, 2021
    2004 Sea Ray 240 Sundeck
    350 Mag Mercruiser w/Bravo III Drive
  2. Shoyrtt

    Shoyrtt Alamitos to Avalon SILVER Sponsor

    Jul 16, 2020
    Redlands, CA
    1999 450 Express Bridge, 9’ Achilles dinghy w/15hp Suzuki EFI
    Caterpillar 3126TA
    F3641F73-2E6D-4160-8E0C-570F9F927F1A.jpeg
     
  3. Steve S

    Steve S Well-Known Member PLATINUM Sponsor

    Jun 5, 2007
    Northern IL.
    2000 400 Sedan Bridge with twin CAT 3116's

    2000 340 Sundancer - SOLD!
    210 Monaco 1987 - SOLD!
    Twin Caterpillar 3116's 350 HP straight drives
  4. Steve S

    Steve S Well-Known Member PLATINUM Sponsor

    Jun 5, 2007
    Northern IL.
    2000 400 Sedan Bridge with twin CAT 3116's

    2000 340 Sundancer - SOLD!
    210 Monaco 1987 - SOLD!
    Twin Caterpillar 3116's 350 HP straight drives
  5. Siboatguy

    Siboatguy Active Member GOLD Sponsor

    461
    Mar 28, 2016
    Holmdel,NJ
    1999 Sea Ray 290 Sundancer
    2005 Sea Ray 320 Sundancer
    2005 Sea Ray 340 Sundancer
    Twins V-Drives
    8.1 Mercruiser
    51822087_2101134999963935_4351520358747078656_n.jpg Walmart installed a medical kiosk, for $10 and a urine sample, it would diagnose any condition. When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine.
    He mixed tap water with dog crap, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pleasured himself into the mixture.
    When he put the sample into the machine the next day, the printout read: "1. Your tap water is too hard. Use softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Give it antibiotics. 3. Your daughter is on cocaine. Get her to rehab. 4. Your wife is expecting twins. Not yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you keep playing with yourself, your fucking tennis elbow won't get better!
    "Thank you for shopping at Walmart"
     
  6. Gimme Time

    Gimme Time Active Member

    903
    Jan 7, 2007
    Charlottesville, VA./ Deltaville, VA. / Tidewater
    2006 52SB, Ray Marine E120, Garmin 7612 through BOE site sponsor,
    QSM11s
    Normal Person .

    As a man, I used to think I was pretty much just a regular person, but I was born white, into a two-parent household which now, whether I like it or not, makes me "Privileged," a racist & responsible for slavery.

    I am a fiscal & moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist because I plan, budget & support myself.

    I went to High School, paid my way thru college, earned a degree, & have always held a job. But I now find out that I am not here because I earned it, but because I was "advantaged”.

    I am heterosexual, which according to "gay" folks, now makes me a homophobe.

    I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel.

    I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which makes me a defacto member of the "vast NRA gun lobby!”

    I am older than 60, making me a useless person who doesn't understand Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.

    I think & I reason, and I doubt much of what the "main stream" media tells me, which makes me a "Right-wing conspiracy nut.”

    I am proud of my heritage & our inclusive American culture, making me a xenophobe.

    I believe in hard work, fair play, & fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

    I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort - not freedom of outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.

    I believe in the defense & protection of America for & by all citizens, now making me a militant.

    I am proud of our flag, what it stands for and the many who died to let it fly, so I stand & salute during our National Anthem - so I must be a racist.

    Please help me come to terms with the new me because I'm just not sure who I am anymore!

    It all took place over the last few years of socialist political control; it’s time to get rid of these fools.

    And as if all this nonsense wasn't enough to deal with, now I don't even know which restroom to use … and I got use the restroom MUCH more FREQUENTLY!
     
  7. fr8dog

    fr8dog Well-Known Member SILVER Sponsor

    537
    May 25, 2012
    Florida
    Currently Boatless
    460DA
    300DA
    370EC
    Boatless
  8. KrazyKarl

    KrazyKarl Member

    43
    Jun 26, 2022
    1999 190CC Sea Ray
    4.3L Alpha (190 PHP) MCM stern drive
  9. KrazyKarl

    KrazyKarl Member

    43
    Jun 26, 2022
    1999 190CC Sea Ray
    4.3L Alpha (190 PHP) MCM stern drive
  10. KrazyKarl

    KrazyKarl Member

    43
    Jun 26, 2022
    1999 190CC Sea Ray
    4.3L Alpha (190 PHP) MCM stern drive
  11. DougLas

    DougLas Well-Known Member

    833
    Dec 13, 2008
    Lake Erie
    39 Express
    454
    Now I know why Santa is so jolly all the time. "He knows where all the naughty girls are."
     
  12. JimG

    JimG Well-Known Member

    Nov 4, 2008
    Southern WV
    2007 310 DA
    Kohler 5ECD
    Twin 350 Mags
    Raw Water Cooled
    V-Drives
  13. JayhawkCurtis

    JayhawkCurtis Well-Known Member

    May 24, 2021
    2004 Sea Ray 240 Sundeck
    350 Mag Mercruiser w/Bravo III Drive
    E62755CF-8691-4123-BC2F-04E8735626DC.jpeg
     
    Nater Potater and Tripsdad like this.
  14. JayhawkCurtis

    JayhawkCurtis Well-Known Member

    May 24, 2021
    2004 Sea Ray 240 Sundeck
    350 Mag Mercruiser w/Bravo III Drive
    F9C64448-4170-419D-A308-DD242DC8A7FE.jpeg
     
    Nater Potater and Tripsdad like this.
  15. JayhawkCurtis

    JayhawkCurtis Well-Known Member

    May 24, 2021
    2004 Sea Ray 240 Sundeck
    350 Mag Mercruiser w/Bravo III Drive
  16. mratlndmrk

    mratlndmrk Well-Known Member

    537
    Mar 5, 2018
    Newburyport, MA
    2003 Sea Ray 380
    Merc 8.1s
    ZF 6.3 V Drives
    Westerbeke 7.0 BCGB Genset
  17. mratlndmrk

    mratlndmrk Well-Known Member

    537
    Mar 5, 2018
    Newburyport, MA
    2003 Sea Ray 380
    Merc 8.1s
    ZF 6.3 V Drives
    Westerbeke 7.0 BCGB Genset
  18. Steve S

    Steve S Well-Known Member PLATINUM Sponsor

    Jun 5, 2007
    Northern IL.
    2000 400 Sedan Bridge with twin CAT 3116's

    2000 340 Sundancer - SOLD!
    210 Monaco 1987 - SOLD!
    Twin Caterpillar 3116's 350 HP straight drives
  19. JayhawkCurtis

    JayhawkCurtis Well-Known Member

    May 24, 2021
    2004 Sea Ray 240 Sundeck
    350 Mag Mercruiser w/Bravo III Drive
    Have to resurrect this one since Halloween is coming up

    [​IMG]
     
    ErikE, Tripsdad and Nater Potater like this.
  20. JayhawkCurtis

    JayhawkCurtis Well-Known Member

    May 24, 2021
    2004 Sea Ray 240 Sundeck
    350 Mag Mercruiser w/Bravo III Drive
    [​IMG]
     
    Tripsdad and Nater Potater like this.

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