Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

[DougLas]

You keep saying your wife is a bad cook. She can't really be that bad of a cook?
'Really?" well I'll tell you one thing about her cooking the dogs stop begging for scraps.

 

[Steve S]

 

[Steve S]

Female: Do you want me to look in your eyes when you stick it in my mouth????

Officer: Ma'am, Just blow in the breathalyzer, please.

 

[Steve S]

 

[WaveDancer01]

 

[Timeflys]

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

View attachment 134653

Awesome

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[Timeflys]

 

[fr8dog]

 

[JimG]

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[1956olds]

I had to post these two pics I took this morning as we left WalMart but I couldn't think of a better place to post them than in the Joke Thread.

Can y'all say "What a f'ing idiot?" with me? Only a Bronco fan would disrespect a nice pickup that way.

View attachment 133182 View attachment 133183

Its not a nice pickup it says so right there in the middle of the tailgate. those stickers are to hide the rust spots.

 

[JMG]

There were two statues in a park, one of a naked man, and one of a naked woman. They had been facing each other for a hundred years across a pathway, when one day an angel comes down, and with a single gesture brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, “As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.”

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel tells them, “Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?” He asks her “Shall we?” She eagerly replies, “Oh, yes, lets! But lets change positions. This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.”

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[JayhawkCurtis]

 

[MonacoMike]

 

[DougLas]

Two young guys were sitting at the bar rating the girls as they walked in from 1 to 10. a gal came in looking good and both said I'll give her a 6. The guy sitting next to them said 2. they both looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. This went on for quite a while with the guy next to them always calling out way lower numbers. When one of the most beautiful girls walked in. The two guys were going wild yelling ten, ten. The guy next to them looked over and said 6. Come on man she is a 10 in our rating. He looked at them and said maybe in your rating. I use the Budweiser rating. Both the guys said what kind of rating is that? You see that last girl that walked in? It would take 6 Clydesdales to pull her off me.

 

[JayhawkCurtis]