Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em
- Thread starter The Bill Collector
- Start date
- Mar 11, 2013
- 6,832
- Boat Info
- Sara Belle
2005 Weekender 215
- Engines
- Mercruiser 5.0 mpi, Bravo III
LOL!! It’s getting close to ordering time for Spring projects. I’m guilty of having ‘boat things’ shipped to my office. Once it’s installed on the boat, it’s always been there yuh see.
Gofirstclass
Well-Known Member
Ollie, sorry but that doesn't count as humor. We ALL do that!
GnrlPatton
Well-Known Member
- Jul 12, 2010
- 716
- Boat Info
- Current: 1998 370 Express Cruiser
Sold:1988 230 Weekender
- Engines
- Twin Cat 3116T
Used to anyway, but I've been working from home since last March, and it makes it tough to ship them to the office now!
Sidewinder770
Member
- Sep 25, 2020
- 85
- Boat Info
- 2002 Cruisers 5000 Sedan Bridge
- Engines
- Twin CAT 660 HP 3196
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage.
A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked,
'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine,
I have lost it and need a new one..'
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was,
but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen
and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked
'is there a 710 on this car?'.
She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'
the mechanic fainted.
If you're not sure what a 710 is
A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked,
'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine,
I have lost it and need a new one..'
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was,
but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen
and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked
'is there a 710 on this car?'.
She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'
the mechanic fainted.
If you're not sure what a 710 is
- Jan 7, 2007
- 907
- Boat Info
- 2006 52SB, Ray Marine E120, Garmin 7612 through BOE site sponsor,
- Engines
- QSM11s
Just wanted to let you know - today I received my 2021 Social Security Stimulus Package. It contained two tomato seeds, cornbread mix, two discount coupons to KFC, a 'Biden Hope & Change' bumper sticker, a prayer rug, a machine to blow smoke up my a?? and a 'Blame it on Trump' poster for the front yard. The directions were in Spanish. Yours should arrive soon.
Steve S
Well-Known Member
- Jun 5, 2007
- 3,123
- Boat Info
- 2000 400 Sedan Bridge with twin CAT 3116's
2000 340 Sundancer - SOLD!
210 Monaco 1987 - SOLD!
- Engines
- Twin Caterpillar 3116's 350 HP straight drives
RBB
Well-Known Member
- Dec 18, 2019
- 2,077
- Boat Info
- 2004 480MY
2006 44DB
2019 Sea Doo GTX 155
Pelican Kayak
2004 390 MY Sold
- Engines
- Cummins QSM11 680Hp
Cummins QSC 500
Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. Since the minimum wage was increased to $15 the owner had to replace his regular human bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says," 168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious..so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Biden?"
The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says," 168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious..so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Biden?"
Soulshine
Well-Known Member
This guy is crawling across the desert and dying of thirst when he comes across an old man selling neck ties in the middle of nowhere.
He begs the guy for water but the old man says “I don’t have any water. Do you want to buy a tie?”
The dying guy refuses and asks for water again.
The old man tells him that there's a nice hotel 40 miles to the north so the guy crawls away in that direction.
5 days later the guys crawls back and now he’s burnt to a crisp and near death.
He pleads with the old man for water again. The old man says “What happened at the hotel”?
“They wouldn’t let me in without a tie“.
He begs the guy for water but the old man says “I don’t have any water. Do you want to buy a tie?”
The dying guy refuses and asks for water again.
The old man tells him that there's a nice hotel 40 miles to the north so the guy crawls away in that direction.
5 days later the guys crawls back and now he’s burnt to a crisp and near death.
He pleads with the old man for water again. The old man says “What happened at the hotel”?
“They wouldn’t let me in without a tie“.
A Blonde, sitting in economy class, unceremoniously stood up, went forward and sat down in First Class. The stewardess noticed this and, after checking the blonde’s ticket said. I’m sorry, miss. You need to move back to your seat in economy.
“I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, and I’m going to Cancun!”, was all she had to say.
The exasperated stewardess went forward to talk to the co-pilot and asked if she would intervene. The co-pilot, went back and told the blonde, “I’m sorry miss, you need to move back to your seat in economy”.
“I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, and I’m going to Cancun!”, was all she had to say.
The co-pilot went forward and explained the situation to the pilot. “Not a problem”, he said, “I speak fluent Blonde, since I’m married to one”.
The pilot went back and leaned over and whispered something in the Blonde’s ear.
“Oh my god, I’m SO sorry, I’ll return to my seat immediately!”
The stewardess and the co-pilot were dumb-founded. “Whatever did you say to her?”
“I just told her that First Class doesn’t go to Cancun.”
“I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, and I’m going to Cancun!”, was all she had to say.
The exasperated stewardess went forward to talk to the co-pilot and asked if she would intervene. The co-pilot, went back and told the blonde, “I’m sorry miss, you need to move back to your seat in economy”.
“I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, and I’m going to Cancun!”, was all she had to say.
The co-pilot went forward and explained the situation to the pilot. “Not a problem”, he said, “I speak fluent Blonde, since I’m married to one”.
The pilot went back and leaned over and whispered something in the Blonde’s ear.
“Oh my god, I’m SO sorry, I’ll return to my seat immediately!”
The stewardess and the co-pilot were dumb-founded. “Whatever did you say to her?”
“I just told her that First Class doesn’t go to Cancun.”
Soulshine
Well-Known Member
Along those lines...
A blonde woman is walking along a country road when she sees another woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a meadow who is furiously paddling and getting nowhere.
The blonde shouts “What are you doing out there?”
The woman in the boat yells back “I don’t need advice from some dumb blonde!”
The blonde says “Up yours! You’re lucky I can’t swim or I’d come out there and kick your ass!”
A blonde woman is walking along a country road when she sees another woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a meadow who is furiously paddling and getting nowhere.
The blonde shouts “What are you doing out there?”
The woman in the boat yells back “I don’t need advice from some dumb blonde!”
The blonde says “Up yours! You’re lucky I can’t swim or I’d come out there and kick your ass!”
Audience abuse
Timeflys
Well-Known Member
- Dec 7, 2013
- 734
- Boat Info
- "Frequent Flyer"
2002 Sundancer 360
- Engines
- Merc Horizon 8.1s
I know posts aren’t supposed to be political but this is so sad, you can only laugh at Canada’s current leader and his government:
“OTTAWA – Immigration Minister Marco Mendicino said he is confident a contract with a company owned by the Beijing police adequately protects personal information of people applying to Canada for visas.
Canada has since 2008 contracted the Beijing Shuangxiong Foreign Service Company, to run visa processing services for people seeking to visit Canada. The company is run by the Beijing Municipal Public Security Bureau.”
https://nationalpost.com/news/polit...-visa-office-to-company-run-by-beijing-police
“OTTAWA – Immigration Minister Marco Mendicino said he is confident a contract with a company owned by the Beijing police adequately protects personal information of people applying to Canada for visas.
Canada has since 2008 contracted the Beijing Shuangxiong Foreign Service Company, to run visa processing services for people seeking to visit Canada. The company is run by the Beijing Municipal Public Security Bureau.”
https://nationalpost.com/news/polit...-visa-office-to-company-run-by-beijing-police
northern
Well-Known Member
- Jan 17, 2007
- 3,525
- Boat Info
- 380 Aft Cabin 1989 Charts Timezero radar Furuno
- Engines
- Twin 454 strait shaft
Only in Canada you say A
Don't be 'that guy'
Steve S
Well-Known Member
- Jun 5, 2007
- 3,123
- Boat Info
- 2000 400 Sedan Bridge with twin CAT 3116's
2000 340 Sundancer - SOLD!
210 Monaco 1987 - SOLD!
- Engines
- Twin Caterpillar 3116's 350 HP straight drives
I am sorry,
The neighbor kids were playing some sort of a cowboy game that I noticed as I was getting out of my car.
The five year old kept yelling 'Yippe Ki Yay'
I did not think, I instinctively finished the phrase...
And now he knows a new word....
The neighbor kids were playing some sort of a cowboy game that I noticed as I was getting out of my car.
The five year old kept yelling 'Yippe Ki Yay'
I did not think, I instinctively finished the phrase...
And now he knows a new word....
- Jul 16, 2020
- 1,890
- Boat Info
- 1999 450 Express Bridge, 9’ Achilles dinghy w/15hp Suzuki EFI
- Engines
- Caterpillar 3126TA
