What!?

Stress...
Is caused by the inability
to choke the living S**t out of
some azzhole who desperately needs it...:thumbsup:
 
I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick.
Don't sugarcoat it. :lol:
 
Winter loneliness at our slip :smt089
 

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I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick.

Wow. What?!
 
Everybody get outta here, there's a lobster loose! Ohhhh, holy cow, he's loose! Everybody get outta here - he's vengeful! Quickly! Cover yourself with hot butter and carry lemons just in case you have to squirt him with it and so forth, to repel him! Everybody get outta here, quickly! There's gonna be a tradegy! Oh, God! Ohh!!!!
 
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If something is out of whack, then there must be some things that are "in whack", right?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
 
Cut the horse****, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.
 
Ah. Well... I attended Juilliard... I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT... NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY... NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I'm qualified?
 
Well I'm going to go then! And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything. Except this.And that's the only thing I need is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray... And this paddle game. - The ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need... And this remote control. - The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need... And these matches. - The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball... And this lamp. - The ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one... I need this. - The paddle game and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I'm some kind of a jerk or something! - And this. That's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, and this magazine, and the chair. And I don't need one other thing, except my dog... I don't need my dog.
 
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Well I'm going to go then! And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything. Except this.And that's the only thing I need is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray... And this paddle game. - The ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need... And this remote control. - The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need... And these matches. - The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball... And this lamp. - The ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one... I need this. - The paddle game and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I'm some kind of a jerk or something! - And this. That's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, and this magazine, and the chair. And I don't need one other thing, except my dog... I don't need my dog.

YOUR FIRED:smt021
 
well i'm going to go then! And i don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and i don't need you. I don't need anything. Except this.and that's the only thing i need is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray... And this paddle game. - the ashtray and the paddle game and that's all i need... And this remote control. - the ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all i need... And these matches. - the ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball... And this lamp. - the ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that's all i need. And that's all i need too. I don't need one other thing, not one... I need this. - the paddle game and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think i'm some kind of a jerk or something! - and this. That's all i need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, and this magazine, and the chair. And i don't need one other thing, except my dog... I don't need my dog.

is this a wisconsin thing???
 
I'm Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor, from now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and the last word out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir". Do you maggots understand that?
 
Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes " Oh my god, I've had the old bull now I want the young calf" and she grabs me by the weiner.
 
Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes " Oh my god, I've had the old bull now I want the young calf" and she grabs me by the weiner.

Nancy??

 
Nothing against him, but if I hear "Yah Mo B There" one more time, I'm going to "Yah Mo" burn this place to the ground.
 
Hey man. Did you touch my drumset?

Nope.

It's just weird, 'cause, it seems like someone definitely touched my drumset.

Yeah, that is weird, 'cause I didn't touch 'em.

Hey!

Did you touch my drumset?

Hey, knock it off!

I know you touched my drumstick, 'cause the left one has a chip in it.

Are you ****ing crazy, man? You sound insane. Do you realize that? You should be medicated.

**** you Brennan! I know you touched my drumset, and I wanna hear that dirty little mouth admit it.

Get out of my face, or I'm gonna roundhouse your ass!

You swear on your mom's life that you didn't touch it then!

I don't have to swear to ****!

That's 'cause you ****ing touched my drumset! 'Cause I know COPS doesn't start 'till 4:00!

Where you going?

I'm going upstairs... 'cause I'm gonna put my nutsack, on your drumset! Okay?

If you do that - I'm warning you, right now! If you touch my drums, I will stab you, in the neck, with a knife!
 
Well I'm going to go then! And I don't need any of this. I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything. Except this.And that's the only thing I need is this. I don't need this or this. Just this ashtray... And this paddle game. - The ashtray and the paddle game and that's all I need... And this remote control. - The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that's all I need... And these matches. - The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control, and the paddle ball... And this lamp. - The ashtray, this paddle game, and the remote control, and the lamp, and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one... I need this. - The paddle game and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches for sure. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I'm some kind of a jerk or something! - And this. That's all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, and this magazine, and the chair. And I don't need one other thing, except my dog... I don't need my dog.

Great! but can you quote Neighbors?
 

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