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Obama won the Nobel prize for peace. Sorry, that wasn't very funny.
Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em
- Thread starter The Bill Collector
- Start date
Jack F
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But it's still a joke.
tmhudson2
New Member
List of Nobel Peace Prize winners since 1980
By The Associated Press (AP) – 6 hours ago
Winners of the Nobel Peace Prize since 1980:
___
_ 2009: U.S. President Barack Obama
_ 2008: Martti Ahtisaari
_ 2007: Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, Al Gore
_ 2006: Muhammad Yunus, Grameen Bank
_ 2005: International Atomic Energy Agency, Mohamed ElBaradei
_ 2004: Wangari Maathai
_ 2003: Shirin Ebadi
_ 2002: Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter
_ 2001: United Nations, Kofi Annan
_ 2000: Kim Dae-jung
_ 1999: Medecins Sans Frontieres
_ 1998: John Hume, David Trimble
_ 1997: International Campaign to Ban Landmines, Jody Williams
_ 1996: Carlos Filipe Ximenes Belo, Jose Ramos-Horta
_ 1995: Joseph Rotblat, Pugwash Conferences on Science and World Affairs
_ 1994: Yasser Arafat, Shimon Peres, Yitzhak Rabin
_ 1993: Nelson Mandela, F.W. de Klerk
_ 1992: Rigoberta Menchu Tum
_ 1991: Aung San Suu Kyi
_ 1990: Mikhail Gorbachev
_ 1989: The 14th Dalai Lama
_ 1988: U.N. Peacekeeping Forces
_ 1987: Oscar Arias Sanchez
_ 1986: Elie Wiesel
_ 1985: International Physicians for the Prevention of Nuclear War
_ 1984: Desmond Tutu
_ 1983: Lech Walesa
_ 1982: Alva Myrdal, Alfonso Garcia Robles
_ 1981: Office of the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees
_ 1980: Adolfo Perez Esquivel
I can't tell you who most of these folks are, or what they said or did to be so honored. But if Barry is in the same company as Al Gore, Jimmy Carter, and Yassar Arafat, what does that say?
Groucho
Well-Known Member
I was joyfull for me to watch his accpetance speech when the failure of his teleprompter caused him to almost stutter.
Other than that.....:huh:
Other than that.....:huh:
Arizona240DA
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VTSeaRay
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All of the national News media(s) this morning (cbs,nbc,cnn,abc) said everyone in the room gasped when they heard who they'd chosen. No one has ever been chosen for what they say they're "Going" to do... rather, it's for what they've already done usually. But, FoxNews said this is a left-leaning organization, so it's not surprising.
-VtSeaRay
-VtSeaRay
Last edited:
larryp
New Member
Guts or Balls?
There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you going somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: You're next, Chubby.'
There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you going somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: You're next, Chubby.'
Knotty Buoy
New Member
> Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.
>
> The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating
> table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'
>
> The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians!
> Everything inside them is colour-coded.'
>
> The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best;
> everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
>
> The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers.
> Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at
> the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'
>
> But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all
> wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no
> heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two
> moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are
> interchangeable'
:grin::thumbsup:
>
>
> The first surgeon says, 'I like to see Accountants on my operating
> table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'
>
> The second responds, 'Yeah, but you should try Electricians!
> Everything inside them is colour-coded.'
>
> The third surgeon says, 'No, I really think Librarians are the best;
> everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
>
> The fourth surgeon chimes in, 'You know I like Construction Workers.
> Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at
> the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.'
>
> But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, 'You're all
> wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no
> heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two
> moving parts - the mouth and the arsehole - and they are
> interchangeable'
:grin::thumbsup:
>
Jack F
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Little Johnny for congress!!!
-----
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny..
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'
The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'
Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'An Obama fan
-----
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny..
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different...again.
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'
The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?'
Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?'
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'An Obama fan
Jack F
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Little Johnny is the best :smt043
- Nov 26, 2006
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A little old Lady had always wanted to join a local biker club,
so one day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy bearded
biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker
requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a
motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bike's parked over
there," and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... drink like a fish. I'll
drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... smoke like a chimney. At
least 4 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple of
cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question.... have
you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope......
but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
so one day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy bearded
biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker
requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a
motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bike's parked over
there," and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... drink like a fish. I'll
drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... smoke like a chimney. At
least 4 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple of
cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question.... have
you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope......
but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
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President Bush decides to take a break and go out to sit in a local bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that President Bush sitting at the end of the bar?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's him.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor! What are you doing in here?'
Bush says, ' I'm planning WW III.'
Then the guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
Bush says, 'Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.
The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits?
Why kill a blonde with big tits?'
Bush turns to the bartender and says,
'See, I told you, no one gives a **** about the 140 million Muslims.'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's him.' So the guy walks over and says, 'Wow, this is a real honor! What are you doing in here?'
Bush says, ' I'm planning WW III.'
Then the guy says, 'Really? What's going to happen?'
Bush says, 'Well, I'm going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.
The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits?
Why kill a blonde with big tits?'
Bush turns to the bartender and says,
'See, I told you, no one gives a **** about the 140 million Muslims.'
- Nov 26, 2006
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Rules of Marriage (as described by kids)
1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff...
Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like
sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who
they're going to marry. God decides it all way before,
and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the
person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF 2 PEOPLE ARE
MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem
to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD
HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use
them to get to know each other. Even boys have
something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies
and that usually gets them interested enough to go
for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't
want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you
should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right
thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF
PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is ............
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she
looks like a dump truck .
1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff...
Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like
sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who
they're going to marry. God decides it all way before,
and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the
person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF 2 PEOPLE ARE
MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem
to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD
HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use
them to get to know each other. Even boys have
something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies
and that usually gets them interested enough to go
for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't
want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you
should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right
thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF
PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is ............
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she
looks like a dump truck .
<DIV>
A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came
upon an Iraqi insurgent, badly injured and unconscious, and an American
Marine whom was lying on the other side of the road with less serious
injuries. Both men were given first aid by a corpsman, the insurgent first
and then the Marine whom was alert and conscious.
The squad leader then asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along this
highway until I spotted a heavily armed insurgent coming south. We each took
cover in opposite ditches. and I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a
miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back
that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who
doesn't know how to drive. Then I shouted Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts
like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!
He responded with, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"
"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck
hit us."
A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came
upon an Iraqi insurgent, badly injured and unconscious, and an American
Marine whom was lying on the other side of the road with less serious
injuries. Both men were given first aid by a corpsman, the insurgent first
and then the Marine whom was alert and conscious.
The squad leader then asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along this
highway until I spotted a heavily armed insurgent coming south. We each took
cover in opposite ditches. and I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a
miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back
that Ted Kennedy is a fat, good-for-nothing, left wing liberal drunk who
doesn't know how to drive. Then I shouted Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts
like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!
He responded with, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!"
"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck
hit us."
Last edited:
Jack F
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Better than a flu shot Miss Beatrice The church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, The young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes, she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago And I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.
