Joke Thread.. post 'em if you got 'em

A young hillbilly couple born and raised way back in the mountains married. On their wedding night the groom came crashing through the door at his home. His pop looked at him in surprise and asked, Boy what in tarnation are you storming into here on your wedding night for. The groom yelled pop she's a Virgine!! Shut the door behind you son IF SHE ANT GOOD ENOGH FOR HER KIN FOLK SHE ANT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.
 
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When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal;
-Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.
Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles.
With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone in the place, then the owner announced;
-We have a brave winner.
After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him; he was very brave to jump, then the man said;
-I didn't jump, someone pushed me!
His wife smiled ...
Moral: "Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him."
 
A young boy was sitting on a step-in town when a preacher set down beside him. The preacher noticed the boy had a jar in his hand with clear liquid in it. He looked at the boy and said i have a small container with me to. It is holy water when I rub it on a woman's stomach it will help for her to have a baby. The boy looked up at him and grinned I have turpentine in my jar. When I rub it on a cat's ass it will run for a mile.
 
A businessman has a office that overlooks a playground, while on a conference call he notices a boy on the playground dragging a chain around, he was pulling in a straight line, then he would pull it in circles, then figure 8’s. The man watched for an hour, the boy just kept pulling the chain. The man’s curiosity got the best of him so he went down to the playground to talk to the boy. He said young man, I have been watching you drag that chain for over an hour, circles, figure 8’s, straight lines, and I just have to ask you why? The little boy stopped dragging his chain, looked at the man and said: “mr you sure are stupid, you ever tried to push one of these things?
 
Back when horse and buggy was transportation. A strapping young man was at a barn dance. When he went out to his horse and buggy to take a drink from his hidden whisky bottle. He saw his horse was painted green. Mad as hell he went up on stage and stopped the music. Yelling out to the crowd: WHO EVER THE PERSON IS THAT PAINTED MY HORSE GREEN? YO NEED TO STEP FORWARD. All of a sudden the crowd separated and a farm boy that was 7ft tall and weighing close to 400 pounds.
yells up to the stage I'm the one that painted your horse green. You have a problem with that? The owner looked at him for a second and replied no just wanted to let you know the first coat is dry and its ready for the second coat.
 
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